Every Other Halloween is a Nightmare

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This is Halloween

I loved Halloween until I was old enough to vote. Hell, as a kid, I loved holidays before every holiday became politicized.

America ruins everything!

Every other Halloween is ruined by a gerrymandered election to adjust the appearance of a balance of power in the federal and state governments of this godforsaken country.

Even Jesus, himself, couldn’t win an election in the United States. In this country, we crucify those who love unequivocally. Love is a sign of weakness, and far be it for the United States to appear weak.

Yes, Washington D.C., this one's for you - and every elected official in D.C. or state governments who work on behalf of "special payments interests" for the benefit of themselves.

Politicians Love Doo-Doo as Much as My Dog

And my dog eats a lot of shit.

Now, everyday is Halloween in America, as if Halloween and Groundhog’s Day had a one night trick and the resulting baby is no treat.

Talk about a nightmare!

America changes its costume as much as its politics evolve. That means never. As long as America’s politics don’t change, America will continue to be a shithole country.

Poop is funny, but living in a butthole doesn’t make me laugh.

If you build it, they will come – and come they did.

This is Politics

Politics is a never ending struggle for power, between two parties, over a country that wants nothing to do with them.

Together, republicans and democrats are responsible for manmade suffering, which is short-term compared to the endless suffering that will plague evil souls for eternity.

Only time will tell how proud any of us are of the life we’ve lived and the choices we’ve made.

Career politicians have destroyed this country. Politics isn’t a career, it’s public service. A career is something you pursue either before or after you serve.

Politicians failed all of us, especially themselves. Bigly; like, covfefe bigly.

Trump turned the White House into Government Apprentice and he probably owns the rights – or owes them to someone.

The Road to Hana is Scary and Political

And I’m not talking about the one on Maui.

Congratulations, politics! You’ve done one thing remarkably well: You’ve made the Super Gay American Nightmare Great Again!

Halloween is fast approaching and I like mine with a twist of fright. You can’t pull the wool over what’s already known.

Do you remember when you didn’t exist?

I do.

Now,
I can’t get you out
of my mind, and
I’m sick of your face
in mine.

I’m embarrassed
for you.

How many lives have been lost
by the hands of you?

I do what I do because I know what’s happening.

If you’re here, you’re here for the stories. Stop by anytime, the site’s open 24/7, and the cost is up to you.

It's all about context; something people often overlook while they gossip, eavesdrop, consume, assume, and hypothesize.

I Love the First Amendment!

I’ll never lose my freedom of speech, and communicating is something I do uniquely my own. We all do. The good, bad and the ugly. Technology has amplified our ability to impact an impactful world.

Technology brought me to life.

I feel like technology because I relate to technology. Technology is under constant attack.

Don’t let anyone bully your mouth shut. If you have to take a hit, take a hit. I’m going down swinging because that’s what 44 years on this Earth have taught me to do.

It sounds so childish, but children are smarter than you remember, and I’m a big kid now!

Halloween is a time to disguise yourself as someone you are. Be whatever you are underneath the lobotomized body that Dahmer built.

Words will come back to haunt you. Choose yours carefully…always.

You have exactly until you die to become a person you’re proud to be.

Here in an instant and gone in a flash. What is your lasting impact?

Park's closed folks! The moose out front should've told you.

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The Spirit of a Spare

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Learning is a Lifetime Quest

Hang in there, kid. You have a gifted spirit and somewhere, deep down, you feel it. You exist in a data-based world, and learning is a lifetime quest.

Did You Believe the Children Were our Future?

I was one of those children, and you were too. We’re still those children – along with every child born since.

Children have always been and will always be – our future.

How old were you when you knew you were different?

How old were you when you felt no different than anyone else?

Pessimism is Easy

I was pissed off, angry, and pessimistic for a minute. Pessimism has one benefit; it helped me understand how debilitating a bad attitude can be. It didn’t take long to realize I was becoming the type of person who irritates me.

That’s what underrepresented, overlooked, or ignored underdogs eventually realize. 

If pessimism got anybody anywhere; everyone in the world, would be on top of the world!

One Nation, Under God, Indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for…no not you. Or you, or you, and you, and you, you and you!

I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm...wait, it depends what freedom is and freedom is is.

I was living in a dummy locked life wrapped in a comfortable, hand stitched, quilt of cash.

I didn’t have access to the quilt, but the piece I had was comfortable enough for me to not bother to look beyond it.

Beyond, under, behind, call it what you want, this metaphor is trite.

Ultimately, we need money to survive in this world, which means money is secondary to personal happiness and becoming your best self.

Money in America is a wrecking ball attached to every American Dream. It’s not a sin to earn and have, but it’s not what life’s about. 

Life is priceless.

Money appears worth something more than it is. Paper with a printed value isn’t priceless.

Before any of us can worry about amassing an amount of money to make money while we sleep, we have to be better humans.

Life is priceless.

While living in the land of the free, I’ve taken freedom for granted.

I was an outdoor dog with enough room to run that I didn’t care about the bolted pole I was tethered to.

While living in the home of the brave, I haven’t been the bravest I can be. 

Living in the U.S. doesn’t mean you’re brave or a brave person. The U.S. is home to a lot of adjectives and/or nouns.

There are more chickenshit motherfuckers among us than brave people. A lot of them get elected to suck life from taxpayer tits and lobbyist dicks. Welcome to D.C. (or any State Capital) where you can have it both ways!

Finally, I had a small taste of freedom that I’ve never felt before.

The Gifted Gay-Rod

I’m not saying being gay is a gift. My last name is Garrod. Throughout my life, people have mispronounced my name to make a joke.

That’s how you take back the power.

I’ve known I was gay my entire life, and I kept it a secret until leaving Alaska in 1992. My attraction to men was entirely natural; I never felt guilty about it.

Feeling ashamed and embarrassed is a whole other beast, so I kept that part hidden deep in the closet.

It was a fabulous closet where I kept a small collection of whatever male nudity I could find. International Male and Undergear catalogs began arriving in high school. I had a subscription to Details. Do the math.

Anyway, this isn’t about being gay; It’s about me being me.

My mom and dad were 19 and 20 when I was born. I was their only child. They divorced when I was five, and my soul was crushed. I was convinced my world was ending.

I was the only child in an adult world and all the adults were pissing me off.

Life would never be the same again!

I believed in magic and mutants, but I was a terrible magician.

Once I made a nickel and dime vanish from my mouth, but denied swallowing. Someone said hospital, then I said I swallowed. My dad dug through my shit and found the coins. I never put them back in my mouth.

I told myself my mutant powers weren’t ready to develop, but I knew I would eventually have them. I was going to be part of the X-Men.

It was an innate, deep rooted feeling, in my DNA, and far less confusing than puberty.

That’s when I started to create dialogue between me and my guiding voice.

The Spirit of a Spare

It’s a great time to feel alive – right here, right now, wherever, or whenever we are.

That’s one of those feel good mantras I always wanted to believe, but had every reason not to.

Extra Travis Phone Home!
I bet you thought E.T. stood for Extra Terrestrial.

“Hang in there, kid. You have a gifted spirit, and deep down you feel it. You exist in a data-based world, and learning’s a lifetime quest.

You’ve already earned the grand prize of life, and now is your time to live. In the playground of good and evil, there’s nothing more to win.

Appreciate and care for others; but your only concern is you! Keep an open mind, follow your heart, and learn as much as you can.

You’ll fuck up for sure; it’ll happen a lot, and that will never change. There are lessons to learn from the mistakes you’ll make; learn to be humble, it’s important you do this alone.

You’ll see your reflection in mirrors, at first. Those are great places to start. This isn’t a drill.

Be honest with the man you are, and acknowledge when you’re wrong. Pay attention to your pivots; your memories are seeds.

A lot won’t make sense for a very long time, and you won’t feel important – until you believe you’re important

Whatever you do, don’t become a greedy, selfish, evil, affected, awful lying twat who’s not worth a drop of piss. Universal expectations of humans are low.

It will blow your mind how many people lose themselves, and how early it happens. I can’t tell you more, but remember this: Life is jam packed with shock and surprise, and I’ll always have your back.

Aunt Samantha is the Hero We Need

My major life alignment was fashionably late. It arrived at my party confused and dressed in chaos couture. Prada was out, and Uncle Sam is in!

The Devil wears cheap shit now!

When Uncle Sam comes to your party, in low effort drag, wearing a pantsuit from Hillary’s First Lady days with an “Aunt Samantha” nametag stuck on her boob, kick him in the nuts!

America is a Shark Tank

America is the self-absorbed tampon and Earth’s a polluted womb. Mother Nature will abort you regardless of any law. She might use a rusty coat hanger for shits an giggles simply because she doesn’t give a fuck.

According to her, we’re all failed miscarriages.

Simple concepts are ridiculously complex behind the curtain, or was that the quilt of cash? I have no idea, it’s a distraction that no longer works.

I came fully equipped with faults; America was fully prepared to fuck me – bareback, no condom!

Nothing was gonna keep them away from this DNA.

Besides, the government doesn’t fund sex stuff and nobody embezzles money to buy a bunch of rubbers.

Nothing was gonna keep them away from this DNA!

Life is a Game of Memory

I only know what I see, hear, read, say, learn, do, or witness.

I spent the first 40 years of my life picking up the seeds that life left scattered all around me, anywhere, everywhere, every day.

When my brain bursts, a flood will come. This will get messy.

I’ve been spending a lot of time at Darby’s All You Can Dream Buffet. I’ve discovered stockpiles of Weapons of Mass Creation.

I got chills; they’re multiplying.

It’s easier than ever for likeminded creatives to emerge from anywhere you shine your light.

Inspiration is abundant thanks to the global artists pouring their energy into the World War Work of Art.

For sure, you’ll encounter an occasional poisoned awful. The easiest skill to master is tuning out the awful. Ignoring them completely? Not so much.

This is my reality, but it’s impossible to know what’s actually true. I was that kid always asking “Why?” and “What if?”

My favorite was, “What if a toilet fell from the sky and hit you on the head?”

Travis, that will never happen.

“But, WHAT IF?”

TRAVIS!

“Are you a boy or girl?”

I’m a woman.

“No, you’re either a boy or you’re a girl. What if those are your choices?”

Travis…

“You’re a girl.”

I’m a WOMAN!

“No you’re not.”

My curiosity was fueled by the weird imagination of an only child.

Question everything to understand anything.

Personal Insights Visible Over Time (PIVOT)

Pay Attention to PIVOT Events in Life. A PIVOT is any major life change or shift of future trajectory.

My brain is working overtime, and there’s no telling where, or how far my mind will go.

I’ve sensed a major shift in people I’ve met, particularly within the last year. They’re more open, accepting, optimistic, and genuine; I’m blown away with stories they share.

People are opening up. Why not? If our president can, you should.

It’s give and take, except you don’t take anything. You receive.

Energy redirects if your receptors are there.

Energy is a boomerang, and it either it hits you hard, or you catch it like a pro. Pick one to throw, you have a choice; Nerf, or the authentic Australian weapon?

Australia outlawed guns, but not the boomerang! What goes around, comes around. Literally.

Whichever one, pay attention. Some take a lifetime to come back. 

Now is not the time to think this sounds silly. Who the fuck cares? You don’t have to bet the farm to smile.

It starts with a simple gesture, and proactively exploring your world, in the present moment.

Lighten Up! 

These days, I encounter unfamiliar brands of strange more frequently and unlike any before. They are powerful, undeniable, humbling, and smirk worthy connections.

At this point, it’s comical because I have nothing to prove and lifetimes of shit I want to do. 

I’m beginning to think I’m dead because life never felt so great!

That’s me being honest.

Now, pick one of the options below.

Leave this encounter with an idea – a seed to ponder for yourself, or openly discuss with others.

You don’t have to write shit like this, but you can try. It’s not easy. Nothing worth doing is easy.

I do it because I love it, and I don’t do it enough – or do I? It feels like three jobs. What do you think?

Guess what? Doesn’t matter!

The human mind is capable of flourishing many seeds in abundance and nobody forgets who had a hand in planting and cultivating their botanical growth.

Then there's this lovely box where you can roll you eyes, or look at your phone like you might already be doing. Now, let sounds escape the hole below the nose on your face that sounds like a caged bird tripping over and repeating words like you're crazy, how many drugs did you do? That sounds stupid; I don't believe it. Plot twist! This box is sound proof!

By the way, have you heard…?

Artful truth and unique creations trigger emotions beyond expectation. Genuine, heartfelt vulnerability is what resonates in reality.

An organic, natural evolution is important to me, but I’m learning faster than ever, and I come up with more ideas than I can produce alone.

I’m locked and loaded into the power of collective imagination.

The future I see is brighter than ever. Whether or not it happens is up to me. That doesn’t mean it’s colorful, bright, and pretty every damn day.

Dead or alive, you are guaranteed a legacy fully directed by the actions you choose.

What’s done is done and time for me to sort my messy collection of life in this completely hypothetical brain teaser.

I’m as excited as a try-out cheerleader perfectly executing five consecutive bent-knee cartwheels.

This Extra Devilish Mess is brought to you today by:

The Cheerleaders from the movie Wildcats!  

"U-G-L-Y! You ain't got no alibi! You ugly! What? What? You ugly!"

Extra Extra Devilish Mess

And now, a word from our sponsors: Clowns in a Volkswagen, Software Scandals, and Diesel Emission & Oil Addiction!

If, for whatever reason, you didn’t make the squad, the maze wasn’t meant for you.

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Ding Ding “D” O’Duck Duck “G”

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Righting at the Speed of Love

What you’re about to read is not about God. It’s about the nation he’s above. It’s about the United States of America – a country I love and the country I’m from – the country that boldly declares In God We Trust on its currency and the people who prioritize money above human life.

They will have a hard time keeping pace with how this is about to unfold.

Home of the brave, indeed.

Good morning, America! More on moron money in a minute. 

I’ve been in a growing state of confusion for the better part of six years. The words regularly penetrating me these days are ongoing and mind blowing.

Look out, folks. I need a shot before I continue. This will be uncomfortable for some awful people.

By the way, my relationship with Milagro involves only a shot glass.

Lordy, Lordy Look Who’s 40

I turned 40 less than a month after moving to Scottsdale. I never imagined how drastically different my life would become today.

It’s a fucking mess, but in the most glorious way.

On September 13, 2018, I’ll have served a four-year term in Arizona.

It happened when it would create an everlasting impact.

I’m not the only one whose life completely realigned itself. 

I’m still perplexed, but I feel incredibly blessed, beyond measure, and anyone who knows me understands how weird that statement sounds coming from me.

I deserve another shot. This one’s a double.

America’s Multiple Reality Disorder

Multiple realities are what make life worth living. This is a country where only 5% of the world calls home. We are the world’s melting pot. There’s no country more diverse than America which gives America the biggest opportunity.

In God We Trust

There’s a difference between having life and being alive.

There’s no purpose in having, but there is purpose in being. Not all humans are human beings. At the end of the day there are two ways to go. You either die feeling miserable or depart fulfilled, feeling upgraded to a level of love I cannot wait to see.

For now, I’m going to have to deal with just feeling the love, which isn’t a bad penalty box. I’ll be back in the game soon enough. I needed the rest anyway.

There are plenty of people who never thought this much truth would ever surface. Then again, those people aren’t very smart, and I no longer surround myself with people who bury the truth under layers of deception so easily. That’s not what a human being does.

Being a human being is never easy. Shit, hooking up on Scruff isn’t easy.

Circling Back to Trusting God with Money

Earn it honestly. Don’t steal it and don’t take bribes. I don’t recommend accepting anything stamped with God for bad things. But, I don’t care either way. You do you and it looks like you’re happy doing it and that’s great. Keep going down that path.

In God We Trust

God is everything. God is even the Devil. Think about that for a second.

Be careful, money is a double-edged sword and it’s sharp. By itself, money isn’t the root of all evil; it’s the love of money that will ruin your life and the lives around you.

Money is more addictive than any drug you can inject. It’s especially dangerous because your friends love its scent. It smells better than a kilo of coke and they know when you can’t afford them anymore.

Cash Strapped Trust

If you don’t know what’s going on by now, I don’t know what to Tonya.

Everyone had every opportunity to practice their blindfolded triple consecutive quad axels, coupled with kickboxing and creativity, in time for crowbar season.

Crowbars are basically bats. It doesn’t matter whether it has wings and rabies, or made of wood, both are bad news. You won’t know what hit you anyway, and it doesn’t matter. That’s the least of the problems you can’t solve.

In God We Trust

Money is a magnet for greed and a tool used to manipulate the actions of others. It’s a criminal’s temptation and fuels corruption.

Money dehumanizes us because everyone needs it to survive. It’s one of an infinite temptation we encounter every day.

What will you do for money?

“Keep your relationship with God to yourself and I promise I won’t thump you over the head with a giant dildo in casual passing.” Author Unknown

Simply Awesome Pest Control

No more bets.

America has never had a more easily guided walk, at the speed of baby steps, consciously coupled with the slowest, most repetitive, slide show of bullshit ever imagined.” Author unknown as far as I Know.

The risk of playing with fire is that most people aren’t smart enough to know they’re dancing in the flames.

Rectal Dysfunction

You’re in deep shit if your head is still up your ass. An occasional brain fart doesn’t cut the cheese.

It’s time to shit your brains out. The clock is ticking.

Lt. Dan had legs for days; he just didn’t know how many days.

Money Didn’t Sight Light! Holy Crap!

Since last July, the term “blind trust” has become a common theme and grounding reminder between me and a special friend.

Creativity, music, muses, mistakes, curiosity, compassion, and truth – which takes the longest to expose – are my personal development tools.

Having friends with mutual respect doesn’t harm the process, but introduces a whole new level of disappointment and hurt, that makes you stronger if you’re an adult who can admit mistakes.

Does time heal all wounds? Here’s a hint. No. Time eases pain, but pharmacies don’t sell it.

Ok, I’m taking my dog to the park so I need to wrap this up.

Remain committed to yourself and be loyal enough to be trusted. “Blind Trust” is scary, but it’s the best feeling when it was the right decision even though it’s the most vulnerable feeling.

Now, where did I put that tequila? Three shots this time! I feel like I just bowled a 300. A boy can dream!

In God WE Trust

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Sweet Jesus! Elton John was right!

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“Blessed”
Elton John

“Hey you, you’re a child in my head.
You haven’t walked yet.
Your first words have yet to be said.
But I swear, you’ll be blessed.”
Elton John – “Blessed”

I am blessed.
I
realize that now.

All this time,
I’ve heard I’m going to hell
because I’m gay,
and a bunch of other reasons.

Corporate criminals go to hell.
P
olitical criminals go to hell.
Bribes don’t exist in hell.
You don’t cut deals in hell.
Your conscience is your currency in hell.
That’s what burns in hell.

Don’t worry about me.
I don’t worry about you.
Worry about what’s in your heart.
It’s in there somewhere.
Empty.

The devil doesn’t smirk in hell.
I laugh my ass off.

We live in an upside down world.
He’s not laughing right now.
Isn’t that funny?

Come to think of it,
I’m beginning to…



…smirk.

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I’m Glad I’m Not a Toilet

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I am really glad I’m not a toilet. Who knows where the hell I’d end up, how much shit I’d swallow, or how many diseases I’d host and pass without even knowing.

Kind of like life…

People line up to use toilets, often not caring about the crappy chaos and splatter piss. Toilets deal with shit and piss all the time! The only break (if you call it a break) a toilet might catch is a little cocaine, or a senseless argument over genitals, but, at the end of the day, a toilet is a toilet.

I’ve been mistaken for a toilet before and all I can say is, screw that! 

Shitty Ass People

People can be awful a lot of the time. They do dipshit things to anyone, anywhere, anytime.

It boggles my mind when someone thinks they can do no wrong even after discreetly wrecking a marriage (or two) and (possibly) the heart of a child.

It’s especially rich when people change their convictions based on which way the wind blows. Abortion is the first word to comes to mind, but this is America so you know there are others – many others.

Left unchecked, bad traits (especially when involving money) can become dangerous – or criminal – habits.

Ever the optimist, I believe humanity will prevail, but we have to start prevailing. That means, grow up. It’s time.

Dream big!

This brings me to a dream I had last week. I have a tendency to forget my dreams. This time, however, the shit stuck.

What I love about dreams is they make no sense. It was one of those dreams within a dream within a dream.

This dream took place in a bar. Within the bar was a giant toilet. However, the bowl itself was somehow bigger than the planet.

Welcome to the shit show!

I don’t know how I ended up with a job at a local bar supporting toilets, but I was on plunger duty. You can imagine my face when way too many pieces of shit rolled through the door.

I knew I was in for a night to remember.

The influx of shit was due to a scrappy poster advertising an unrefined contest they could see from outside. The poster listed a vague prize. It was a simple word – treasure – all lowercase, written with glue and silver glitter.

The First Super Toilet Bowl

It sounded like something sponsored by the NFL. Toward the bottom of the poster was a scribbled guarantee; an opportunity to live the most fulfilled life and make a difference in the world for one winner.

How the shit coincidentally stumbled across this opportunity is anyone’s guess. Life doesn’t always make sense. But, we’re not here to talk about life. Today, we’re talking about shit.

The goal of the contest was to be the smallest piece of shit. You see, shit knows what it is so the strategies were lame. Rather than explain why they were the smallest, they focused on convincing the judge that the other pieces were bigger.

Blinded by slinging shit at each other, none of them noticed they were in a toilet bowl of global proportions. The judge watched as things got ugly fast. The water became cloudy and a warning light started to blink rapidly.

Shit was taking too long and the judge had to intervene. Tired of what he’d witnessed, he ripped a page right out of the Shitty Strategies playbook.

The word on the page was “loopholes” and that sounded close enough to “flush” for the judge.

The dirty water in the big bowl started swirling. All the shit suddenly started exposing how big each piece was! It stepped all over itself and got all smashed together and skidded up the sides. The shit was riding up each other’s backs and tried plugging the toilet with smaller pieces as it all started to break apart.

Silly shit!

Not one of the pieces of shit sacrificed themselves to save the others. None of the shit survived. In fact, none of them ever resurfaced. It was as if the bar never opened that night.

Thank god for more bars!

Nobody ever heard of that contest again. Nobody even wondered about a new venue. By design, the contest only appealed to shit to begin with and that’s the crux of the problem. It’s not a contest that can be advertised because it attracts the wrong contestants. As it stood, the contest that night was a once in a lifetime thing.

I woke up the first time

I remember waking up swimming laps in a cold toilet. Then I was enveloped in complete darkness. Suddenly I felt surrounded by pool toys all around. I started getting hit in the head with fresh crap while treading water as I yelled “SHIT!” over and over.

I woke up the second time

There was an envelope in my lap that said “Super Toilet Bowl Criteria for Winners” I opened it to find a torn piece of lined paper out of a miniature sized spiral notebook.

It read, “Sole winner? Are you joking? In this contest there are only losers. Pieces of shit will always lose. If you don’t want to lose, don’t be a piece of shit. Prize to be shared with all non-losers.”

In that moment, I realized the contest wasn’t over. Not yet, but it could be over at any moment and I didn’t want to be a piece of shit when it was done.

What nobody understood was everyone, everywhere was in the contest all along.

I woke up for the third and final time

My skin was clammy as my body was covered in a cold sweat and my ceiling fan was on high.

I was laying in bed and my pillow was soaking wet. My shirt looked like I just left a water balloon fight and jumped in bed. My sheets were drenched.

I was cold and uncomfortable and in the dark. But, at least I was safe.

In that moment, I realized a simple truth: Live your life, but don’t be a piece of shit!

God works in mysterious ways.

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