All the President’s Women and Men (and others in Between)

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The White House is Now the Outhouse

The White House is basically an outhouse. I’m not sure whether or not it has a door, or if it’s been tipped over like a cow.

I don’t know who’s responsible for cleaning that shit, but you don’t need a nose on your face to smell the shit coming from Washington D.C.

The city itself is remarkably beautiful. It’s like a pristine toilet with an unlimited capacity to deal with unsurmountable shit; day-in, day-out.

They lit a candle and weren't careful. The new outhouse is plastic and plastic melts.

Guess where it was made. Do you know what else is manufactured in China? Here’s a hint: the U.S. Government.

The answer is: Toilets. Toilets are made in China. The U.S. Government was only a hint.

I assume China makes more than engines and generators for Kohler while stealing Intellectual Property from all over the globe.

Words matter.

Trump and Pence are D.C. Toilet Paper

That’s what they are, and that’s what they’ve always been. The fix was in and the strings were strummed.

The Electoral College bestowed The White House with one, giant, and seemingly unlimited supply of Trump/Pence.

The usual brands in the ass-wipe industry nearly buried the world in butt crumbs.

Same shit, different day, week, month, year, Christmas.

“I can’t tell you what it really is; I can only tell you what it feels like.” – Love the Way You Lie; Eminem (feat. Rhianna)

Just Gonna Stand there and Watch me Burn

When it comes to history, I was as brainwashed as anyone. I used to swallow America’s shovel-ready bullshit – hook, line, and sinker.

I was 38 at the time, but the seeds had been planted my entire life. Also, Obama was president, and the company that I co-founded in 1999, et alia, llc., hadn’t started its rapid nosedive…yet.

On April 30, 2014, the U.S. Government - my government - sanctioned and observed the fraudulent sale of et alia, llc. - along with its intellectual property and trade secrets - to Kiewit Technology, Inc. On May 22, 2014, Kiewit Technology, Inc. announced it would operate under a new name: InEight, Inc.

It was still one year before, out of desperation, we offered two members of our executive team to invest in 8%.

We were bleeding cash like a slashed throat.

Is that blood in the Shark Tank?

Let’s call them “T” and “D”.

“T” and “D” were each offered 8%. While “D” passed on the offer, “T” actually dropped $160,000 cash for 8% of et alia. In fact, “T” inquired as to whether or not he could purchase the 8% “D” turned down. He wasn’t extended that offer.

That would have given him more equity than I had as co-founder!

Long story short, “T” lost money on his investment.

Weird, huh?

I get it now. I felt bad about it until I didn't. The guy wasn't exactly Shark Tank material. That's a whole other story.

Hindsight

False Flag on the Field

Do you believe that U.S. voters elected Donald Trump? I don’t and I never did. It’s simply not true. It’s impossible – not in America – not in this lifetime.

However, the results had to be believable, so a bunch of behind-the-scenes shit went down, worldwide, in every major industry. It feels eerily similar to The Purge. Only, this one doesn't have a title - yet. Maybe it does, I don't know. I know what I'd call it.

Besides, we don’t elect our president, we vote for our president.

The Electoral College elected Trump on December 19, 2016.

Good lord, America. What have you gotten yourselves into?

Federal and state governments dropped a bunch of balls in the worst ways. The balls busted like eggs – even though government balls are significantly smaller than below average nuts.

At what point did you begin to read between the lines? Was it before or after the day the world turned upside down?

Thank You, Politicians of America!

Once again, you’re the drunk uncle crossing the line at a family holiday gathering.

It’s always the same with you: Blame everyone who isn’t you for everyone’s misery, including your own.

Uncle Sam, what did you do to Aunt Samantha?

I can’t imagine how it feels to be you – nor do I want to. It looks as though you lost control of the narrative, and that sucks. Don’t call me when you lose control of your life.

By nature, politicians have an unusually high risk of becoming morons.

The past is playing out in front of our eyes and curious minds. Let’s rewind to July 5, 2016.

The director of the FBI, James Comey, recommended no charges against Hillary Clinton regarding the investigation of her using a private email server.

Democrats cheered while Republicans jeered. Comey was a hero! Or was he?

Fast forward to October 28, 2016, when Comey made another announcement. He divulged discovering a of trove of never before seen emails, effectively throwing Ms. Clinton back into the frying pan.

Republicans cheered while Democrats jeered. Comey was a hero! Or was he?

Who the fuck are these people? Do they really believe American’s are this fucking stupid? I mean, I’m American, but I’m not an American idiot.

On November 9, 2016, as people woke up, their heads exploded one way or another.

Americans were left to their own devices to process what the fuck just happened. Since then, nothing’s been natural. Everything coming out of D.C. is contrived.

The truth is in the metaphor, and the metaphor is a lie – a bigly BIG LIE.

Apparently, it’s required to be out of the know to know anything.

You can bet your bottom ~~Deutsch Bank~~ dollar this is a planned rollout of events. It’s a plan that’s been in place since well before the turn of the century, and that went off script further than anyone ever imagined – until now.

Nothing made sense, but the point of the great American shit show wasn't to make sense. Since its inception, the Super Gay American Nightmare was to make billions and trillions of dollars and cents without making sense.

Politicians have been full of shit for centuries, but we underestimated the amount of shit contaminating the only “Plan It” Earth we have.

That PIE sounds yummy, who wants a piece?

Look What You Made Me Do

Politics are private-label platform misunderstandings, between two party platforms, and that shit’s about to rip.

A special note to all members of the incoming 116th United States Congress set to start on January 3, 2019

Make no mistake, now is not a good time for any politician in America. You’re about to become part of an historic legacy of why we can’t have nice things.

I hope that’s not the case. We will learn whether or not the government shutdown tomorrow means good news or bad news for you.

In order to be a patriot, you have to care about the people living here. Every last one of them. No exceptions. That is not negotiable.

Just because I don’t have your attention doesn’t mean you don’t have mine.

In the end, you don’t want it to be something you didn’t do. It might be too late for some of you.

Ground Control to Major Tom

On May 9, 2017, President Trump fired James Comey. The heads of republicans and democrats (or whatever was left of them) collectively exploded – again!

What happened?

Mueller? Mueller?

The 115th U.S. Congress has some unfinished business, no?

Tell me I’m wrong.

Comey? Lynch? Ryan? Pelosi? Graham? Schumer? Obama? Clinton? Do any of you have anything to add? How about Bruce Grewcock at Kiewit? Are you familiar with him? Or Bill McDermott from SAP SE?

Facts related to Kiewit:

My co-founding partner and I scheduled a call for July 7, 2015 with Kiewit attorneys Mary Carnazzo and Jeremy Stewart.

On that call, we made the accusation that the purchase of et alia was fraudulent.

Within 24 hours, Jeremy notified both of us that they investigated our assertions and denied any malfeasance regarding the purchase of et alia.

It only took Kiewit 24-hours to investigate fraud, but the HR allegations we made in April, 2015 took over two months to tell us they did nothing wrong.

At the end of April, 2015, I met with Jill Thomsen. According to her business card, she was Kiewit’s Director of Government Relations.

According to Jill, she was Kiewit’s Director of Human Resources, a new position and she didn’t have business cards.

Bullshit.

At that time, Jill encouraged me to file a complaint with the EEOC. By June, Jill told me the EEOC would “laugh” me out of their office.

My co-founding partner filed a case with the EEOC later that year.

Hi, Jill. What changed? I know you know I know. Let me ask you, is there anything you want to say on your own behalf? Or can you?

I’m not breaking any confidentiality agreement right now.

It must have sucked when you failed to trick me into signing that piece of garbage.

I can't imagine anyone at Kiewit is excited for this story to come out.

What’s the difference between William and Bill?

Bill McDermott sat next to President Trump in Davos in early 2018, while Trump told the world the United States would “no longer turn a blind eye” to unfair trade practices.

Another fact: On July 9, 2015 – just two days after Brad and I spoke with the Kiewit attorneys – Bill McDermott suffered an injury. Ultimately, the injury cost him an eye.

I don’t know why these people would start telling the truth right now. Even a plea deal couldn’t stop Paul Manafort from lying through his teeth.

This country is on thin ice or deep shit – one of the two. Either way, we don’t need any more TP, we need and entirely new house. This isn’t as easy as remodeling a bathroom and it’s a little harder than leasing plastic pods to poop in.

Mr. President, is there anything you want to tell us?

Now You Know

The only climate not changing is political. Jupiter’s Great Red Spot is almost the perfect metaphor for U.S. politics. The difference being that Jupiter’s storm is shrinking.

Looks like there’s intelligent life out there after all.

Earth, however, continues pig-roasting its way around the Sun.

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The Spirit of a Spare

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Learning is a Lifetime Quest

Hang in there, kid. You have a gifted spirit and somewhere, deep down, you feel it. You exist in a data-based world, and learning is a lifetime quest.

Did You Believe the Children Were our Future?

I was one of those children, and you were too. We’re still those children – along with every child born since.

Children have always been – and will always be – our future.

How old were you when you knew you were different?

How old were you when you felt no different than anyone else?

Pessimism is Easy

I was pissed off, angry, and pessimistic for a minute. Pessimism has one benefit; it helped me understand how debilitating a bad attitude can be. It didn’t take long to realize I was becoming the type of person who irritates me.

That’s what underrepresented, overlooked, or ignored underdogs eventually realize.

If pessimism got anybody anywhere; everyone in the world, would be on top of the world!

One Nation, Under God, Indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for…no not you. Or you, or you, and you, and you, you and you!

I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm...wait, it depends what freedom is and freedom is is.

I was living in a dummy locked life wrapped in a comfortable, hand stitched, quilt of cash.

I didn’t have access to the quilt, but the piece I had was comfortable enough for me to not bother to look beyond it.

Beyond, under, behind, call it what you want, this metaphor is trite.

Ultimately, we need money to survive in this world, which means money is secondary to personal happiness and becoming your best self.

Money in America is a wrecking ball attached to every American Dream. It’s not a sin to earn and have, but it’s not what life’s about.

Life is priceless.

Money appears worth something more than it is. Paper with a printed value isn’t priceless.

Before any of us can worry about amassing an amount of money to make money while we sleep, we have to be better humans.

Life is priceless.

While living in the land of the free, I’ve taken freedom for granted.

I was an outdoor dog with enough room to run that I didn’t care about the bolted pole I was tethered to.

While living in the home of the brave, I haven’t been the bravest I can be.

Living in the U.S. doesn’t mean you’re brave or a brave person. The U.S. is home to a lot of adjectives and/or nouns.

There are more chickenshit motherfuckers among us than brave people. A lot of them get elected to suck life from taxpayer tits and lobbyist dicks. Welcome to D.C. (or any State Capital) where you can have it both ways!

Finally, I had a small taste of freedom that I’ve never felt before.

The Gifted Gay-Rod

I’m not saying being gay is a gift. My last name is Garrod. Throughout my life, people have mispronounced my name to make a joke.

That’s how you take back the power.

I’ve known I was gay my entire life, and I kept it a secret until leaving Alaska in 1992. My attraction to men was entirely natural; I never felt guilty about it.

Feeling ashamed and embarrassed is a whole other beast, so I kept that part hidden deep in the closet.

It was a fabulous closet where I kept a small collection of whatever male nudity I could find. International Male and Undergear catalogs began arriving in high school. I had a subscription to Details. Do the math.

Anyway, this isn’t about being gay; It’s about me being me.

My mom and dad were 19 and 20 when I was born. I was their only child. They divorced when I was five, and my soul was crushed. I was convinced my world was ending.

I was the only child in an adult world and all the adults were pissing me off.

Life would never be the same again!

I believed in magic and mutants, but I was a terrible magician.

Once I made a nickel and dime vanish from my mouth, but denied swallowing. Someone said hospital, then I said I swallowed. My dad dug through my shit and found the coins. I never put them back in my mouth.

I told myself my mutant powers weren’t ready to develop, but I knew I would eventually have them. I was going to be part of the X-Men.

It was an innate, deep rooted feeling, in my DNA, and far less confusing than puberty.

That’s when I started to create dialogue between me and my guiding voice.

The Spirit of a Spare

It’s a great time to feel alive – right here, right now, wherever, or whenever we are.

That’s one of those feel good mantras I always wanted to believe, but had every reason not to.

Extra Travis Phone Home!

I bet you thought E.T. stood for Extra Terrestrial.

“Hang in there, kid. You have a gifted spirit, and deep down you feel it. You exist in a data-based world, and learning’s a lifetime quest.

You’ve already earned the grand prize of life, and now is your time to live. In the playground of good and evil, there’s nothing more to win.

Appreciate and care for others; but your only concern is you! Keep an open mind, follow your heart, and learn as much as you can.

You’ll fuck up for sure; it’ll happen a lot, and that will never change. There are lessons to learn from the mistakes you’ll make; learn to be humble, it’s important you do this alone.

You’ll see your reflection in mirrors, at first. Those are great places to start. This isn’t a drill.

Be honest with the man you are, and acknowledge when you’re wrong. Pay attention to your pivots; your memories are seeds.

A lot won’t make sense for a very long time, and you won’t feel important – until you believe you’re important.

Whatever you do, don’t become a greedy, selfish, evil, affected, awful lying twat who’s not worth a drop of piss. Universal expectations of humans are low.

It will blow your mind how many people lose themselves, and how early it happens. I can’t tell you more, but remember this: Life is jam packed with shock and surprise, and I’ll always have your back.“

Aunt Samantha is the Hero We Need

My major life alignment was fashionably late. It arrived at my party confused and dressed in chaos couture. Prada was out, and Uncle Sam is in!

The Devil wears cheap shit now!

When Uncle Sam comes to your party, in low effort drag, wearing a pantsuit from Hillary’s First Lady days with an “Aunt Samantha” nametag stuck on her boob, kick him in the nuts!

America is a Shark Tank

America is the self-absorbed tampon and Earth’s a polluted womb. Mother Nature will abort you regardless of any law. She might use a rusty coat hanger for shits an giggles simply because she doesn’t give a fuck.

According to her, we’re all failed miscarriages.

Simple concepts are ridiculously complex behind the curtain, or was that the quilt of cash? I have no idea, it’s a distraction that no longer works.

I came fully equipped with faults; America was fully prepared to fuck me – bareback, no condom!

Nothing was gonna keep them away from this DNA.

Besides, the government doesn’t fund sex stuff and nobody embezzles money to buy a bunch of rubbers.

Nothing was gonna keep them away from this DNA!

Life is a Game of Memory

I only know what I see, hear, read, say, learn, do, or witness.

I spent the first 40 years of my life picking up the seeds that life left scattered all around me, anywhere, everywhere, every day.

When my brain bursts, a flood will come. This will get messy.

I’ve been spending a lot of time at Darby’s All You Can Dream Buffet. I’ve discovered stockpiles of Weapons of Mass Creation.

I got chills; they’re multiplying.

It’s easier than ever for likeminded creatives to emerge from anywhere you shine your light.

Inspiration is abundant thanks to the global artists pouring their energy into the World War Work of Art.

For sure, you’ll encounter an occasional poisoned awful. The easiest skill to master is tuning out the awful. Ignoring them completely? Not so much.

This is my reality, but it’s impossible to know what’s actually true. I was that kid always asking “Why?” and “What if?”

My favorite was, “What if a toilet fell from the sky and hit you on the head?”

Travis, that will never happen.

“But, WHAT IF?”

TRAVIS!

“Are you a boy or girl?”

I’m a woman.

“No, you’re either a boy or you’re a girl. What if those are your choices?”

Travis…

“You’re a girl.”

I’m a WOMAN!

“No you’re not.”

My curiosity was fueled by the weird imagination of an only child.

Question everything to understand anything.

Personal Insights Visible Over Time (PIVOT)

Pay Attention to PIVOT Events in Life. A PIVOT is any major life change or shift of future trajectory.

My brain is working overtime, and there’s no telling where, or how far my mind will go.

I’ve sensed a major shift in people I’ve met, particularly within the last year. They’re more open, accepting, optimistic, and genuine; I’m blown away with stories they share.

People are opening up. Why not? If our president can, you should.

It’s give and take, except you don’t take anything. You receive.

Energy redirects if your receptors are there.

Energy is a boomerang, and it either it hits you hard, or you catch it like a pro. Pick one to throw, you have a choice; Nerf, or the authentic Australian weapon?

Australia outlawed guns, but not the boomerang! What goes around, comes around. Literally.

Whichever one, pay attention. Some take a lifetime to come back.

Now is not the time to think this sounds silly. Who the fuck cares? You don’t have to bet the farm to smile.

It starts with a simple gesture, and proactively exploring your world, in the present moment.

Lighten Up!

These days, I encounter unfamiliar brands of strange more frequently and unlike any before. They are powerful, undeniable, humbling, and smirk worthy connections.

At this point, it’s comical because I have nothing to prove and lifetimes of shit I want to do.

I’m beginning to think I’m dead because life never felt so great!

That’s me being honest.

Now, pick one of the options below.

Leave this encounter with an idea – a seed to ponder for yourself, or openly discuss with others.

You don’t have to write shit like this, but you can try. It’s not easy. Nothing worth doing is easy.

I do it because I love it, and I don’t do it enough – or do I? It feels like three jobs. What do you think?

Guess what? Doesn’t matter!

The human mind is capable of flourishing many seeds in abundance and nobody forgets who had a hand in planting and cultivating their botanical growth.

Then there's this lovely box where you can roll you eyes, or look at your phone like you might already be doing. Now, let sounds escape the hole below the nose on your face that sounds like a caged bird tripping over and repeating words like you're crazy, how many drugs did you do? That sounds stupid; I don't believe it. Plot twist! This box is sound proof!

By the way, have you heard…?

Artful truth and unique creations trigger emotions beyond expectation. Genuine, heartfelt vulnerability is what resonates in reality.

An organic, natural evolution is important to me, but I’m learning faster than ever, and I come up with more ideas than I can produce alone.

I’m locked and loaded into the power of collective imagination.

The future I see is brighter than ever. Whether or not it happens is up to me. That doesn’t mean it’s colorful, bright, and pretty every damn day.

Dead or alive, you are guaranteed a legacy fully directed by the actions you choose.

What’s done is done and time for me to sort my messy collection of life in this completely hypothetical brain teaser.

I’m as excited as a try-out cheerleader perfectly executing five consecutive bent-knee cartwheels.

This Extra Devilish Mess is brought to you today by:

The Cheerleaders from the movie Wildcats!  

"U-G-L-Y! You ain't got no alibi! You ugly! What? What? You ugly!"

Extra Extra Devilish Mess

And now, a word from our sponsors: Clowns in a Volkswagen, Software Scandals, and Diesel Emission & Oil Addiction!

If, for whatever reason, you didn’t make the squad, the maze wasn’t meant for you.

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A Perfect Stage to Rattle Your Cage, Pt. 1

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Setting the World Stage

I believe the children are our future; teach them well and let them lead the way. Whitney Houston is, and will always be, a legendary icon.

I was born a month after Nixon resigned. Iran emerged as a flagship enemy in the Middle East with a hostage crisis by the time I was five.

The Cold War was getting warmer, but the Soviet threat was real! A nuclear war was always looming! Then again, I lived in Alaska, which belonged to Russia before it didn’t, but that’s not the point.

The U.S. was protected by a space-based defense system called Star Wars.

Hollywood made it possible to believe the concept because smart phones and widespread conspiracy theories were 20 years away!

The real Cold War between the U.S. and the Soviet Union played out on hockey rinks. The U.S. lost to the Soviets for all of history until the 1980 Winter Olympics.

The U.S. underdogs, a team of amateurs, finally pulled a win out of nowhere, in ~~one of~~ the most symbolic showdown, ever.

Ronald Reagan was elected president later that year.

Movies like Rocky IV, Wargames, and others, simplified international relations for the children of the future, Generation X and beyond.

We interrupt this war broadcast for an important election message…

This isn’t a debate about what’s true, false, fact, or fiction. It’s about patterns, experience, ideas, and possibilities.

As far as I can see, it looks as if it’s a common practice to manipulate outcomes for a future plan to explain what’s misunderstood about the past? Or do I have it backwards?

One thing is certain: There's a lot that we don't know. More to come.

It’s a hazy shade of winter.

There's a patch of snow on the ground.

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Ding Ding “D” O’Duck Duck “G”

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Righting at the Speed of Love

What you’re about to read is not about God. It’s about the nation he’s above. It’s about the United States of America – a country I love and the country I’m from – the country that boldly declares In God We Trust on its currency and the people who prioritize money above human life.

They will have a hard time keeping pace with how this is about to unfold.

Home of the brave, indeed.

Good morning, America! More on moron money in a minute.

I’ve been in a growing state of confusion for the better part of six years. The words regularly penetrating me these days are ongoing and mind blowing.

Look out, folks. I need a shot before I continue. This will be uncomfortable for some awful people.

By the way, my relationship with Milagro involves only a shot glass.

Lordy, Lordy Look Who’s 40

I turned 40 less than a month after moving to Scottsdale. I never imagined how drastically different my life would become today.

It’s a fucking mess, but in the most glorious way.

On September 13, 2018, I’ll have served a four-year term in Arizona.

It happened when it would create an everlasting impact.

I’m not the only one whose life completely realigned itself.

I’m still perplexed, but I feel incredibly blessed, beyond measure, and anyone who knows me understands how weird that statement sounds coming from me.

I deserve another shot. This one’s a double.

America’s Multiple Reality Disorder

Multiple realities are what make life worth living. This is a country where only 5% of the world calls home. We are the world’s melting pot. There’s no country more diverse than America which gives America the biggest opportunity.

In God We Trust

There’s a difference between having life and being alive.

There’s no purpose in having, but there is purpose in being. Not all humans are human beings. At the end of the day there are two ways to go. You either die feeling miserable or depart fulfilled, feeling upgraded to a level of love I cannot wait to see.

For now, I’m going to have to deal with just feeling the love, which isn’t a bad penalty box. I’ll be back in the game soon enough. I needed the rest anyway.

There are plenty of people who never thought this much truth would ever surface. Then again, those people aren’t very smart, and I no longer surround myself with people who bury the truth under layers of deception so easily. That’s not what a human being does.

Being a human being is never easy. Shit, hooking up on Scruff isn’t easy.

Circling Back to Trusting God with Money

Earn it honestly. Don’t steal it and don’t take bribes. I don’t recommend accepting anything stamped with God for bad things. But, I don’t care either way. You do you and it looks like you’re happy doing it and that’s great. Keep going down that path.

In God We Trust

God is everything. God is even the Devil. Think about that for a second.

Be careful, money is a double-edged sword and it’s sharp. By itself, money isn’t the root of all evil; it’s the love of money that will ruin your life and the lives around you.

Money is more addictive than any drug you can inject. It’s especially dangerous because your friends love its scent. It smells better than a kilo of coke and they know when you can’t afford them anymore.

Cash Strapped Trust

If you don’t know what’s going on by now, I don’t know what to Tonya.

Everyone had every opportunity to practice their blindfolded triple consecutive quad axels, coupled with kickboxing and creativity, in time for crowbar season.

Crowbars are basically bats. It doesn’t matter whether it has wings and rabies, or made of wood, both are bad news. You won’t know what hit you anyway, and it doesn’t matter. That’s the least of the problems you can’t solve.

In God We Trust

Money is a magnet for greed and a tool used to manipulate the actions of others. It’s a criminal’s temptation and fuels corruption.

Money dehumanizes us because everyone needs it to survive. It’s one of an infinite temptation we encounter every day.

What will you do for money?

“Keep your relationship with God to yourself and I promise I won’t thump you over the head with a giant dildo in casual passing.” Author Unknown

Simply Awesome Pest Control

No more bets.

America has never had a more easily guided walk, at the speed of baby steps, consciously coupled with the slowest, most repetitive, slide show of bullshit ever imagined.” Author unknown as far as I Know.

The risk of playing with fire is that most people aren’t smart enough to know they’re dancing in the flames.

Rectal Dysfunction

You’re in deep shit if your head is still up your ass. An occasional brain fart doesn’t cut the cheese.

It’s time to shit your brains out. The clock is ticking.

Lt. Dan had legs for days; he just didn’t know how many days.

Money Didn’t Sight Light! Holy Crap!

Since last July, the term “blind trust” has become a common theme and grounding reminder between me and a special friend.

Creativity, music, muses, mistakes, curiosity, compassion, and truth – which takes the longest to expose – are my personal development tools.

Having friends with mutual respect doesn’t harm the process, but introduces a whole new level of disappointment and hurt, that makes you stronger if you’re an adult who can admit mistakes.

Does time heal all wounds? Here’s a hint. No. Time eases pain, but pharmacies don’t sell it.

Ok, I’m taking my dog to the park so I need to wrap this up.

Remain committed to yourself and be loyal enough to be trusted. “Blind Trust” is scary, but it’s the best feeling when it was the right decision even though it’s the most vulnerable feeling.

Now, where did I put that tequila? Three shots this time! I feel like I just bowled a 300. A boy can dream!

In God WE Trust

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What are the real issues in America?

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When considering if even a fraction of what I see or read anymore is an accurate reflection of America’s mindset, my heart sinks. Fake or not, the stories are ugly and the comments are uglier.

If you’re online, you’re in a vivarium. This is a test. If you cannot see the answer by now, try opening your eyes, ears, heart, and mind a tiny bit.

Life gets infinitely better if you don’t make people miserable. I promise!

If you want to be on the right side of history, you better side with humanity

Bullying – kids and adults – is very real in America. It’s kind of amazing we don’t bomb our own country. Or have we?

I don’t know what happens to people that makes them terrible adults. We all have our shit to deal with. All I ask is that you not be part of anyone’s pile.

We, as humans, should embrace and encourage a free and fair world as if it’s our collective purpose. Well, guess what? That is our collective purpose!

Empathy enables us to unite in powerful ways

Painful truths about pain are: nobody’s immune to it, and it has a purpose. You can’t walk a mile in someone’s shoes until you walk a marathon in your own.

Painful events that remind us life isn’t fair can be our most valuable life lessons. Those events help us prioritize what’s important to us, and can often bring clarity.

Can you relate?

Communication is the heart of humanity. Bring that to every table. It’s how we learn about, understand, and relate to each other.

We all have a lot more in common than we think. It just takes a little effort and a few questions. It pains me when people summarily ignore entire groups – be it age, scene, politics, race, religion, whatever – all because they’re uncomfortable. Poor things.

Learn to cope with being uncomfortable

It shouldn’t be that hard. We were all twelve at some point. Americans could stand to be a little more selfless. There are – believe it or not – actual, real problems in the world. Surprise!

A global logic problem

I grew up in Alaska during the culmination of the Cold War. I was born a month after President Nixon resigned. By the time I graduated high school, the Berlin Wall was mostly dismantled, and the Soviet Union had collapsed.

Later that year, I began my college experience. Bright-eyed and full of hope, my generation was ready to change the world.

Optimism sure is cute until years become decades

Good morning, America! In today’s news, distraction is the main attraction. Now, for our top story, “Politics prove the human capacity for hypocrisy.”

Fasten your seat belt, I just did a couple shots.

Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama, Trump. War. Terror. Money. Shovel ready. Oops, just kidding. Fraud. Secret Access Program. I’m with her. Pocahontas. Pussy. Nothing holds a country together like a small handful of pussy.

America is finally united!

Welcome to the United State of Disbelief!

The American Dream halted construction and the crews were sent home. News, news, words, news, fake news, satire, words, words, Twitter.

Where did the internet come from, anyway? Facebook sure came out of nowhere. How about The Google? What does SAP even do?

But we don’t care about government and business in the U.S. We like to tear each other down and make everyone miserable – for no reason whatsoever!

Why are you so intolerant of my free speech?

People can develop their most hateful opinions about issues that don’t affect them.

Oops, another shot.

If you don’t like the blue giraffe, simply leave him alone. He’s not from this country, but that doesn’t mean he can’t live here.

Wait, what? Oh, shit. I’m sorry. She? I thought she looked like a dyke. I just saw her in the mens’ room! I hate blue trans giraffes. Rape! If I had a daughter that would have been gross. Only men should be in there.

Giraffes belong in a zoo – along with all the other faggot species! I could have killed it if this liberal fuck town allowed open carry and I owned a gun. Guns!

By the way, there’s an awesome glory hole in the stall with the broken door. You’ll see these shoes I’m wearing tapping the floor! See you soon, buddy.

I almost changed my mind about abortion. Then I forgot that I want to watch the little monster grow up and have no parents! Well?

Who’s that freak in front of him? Is that the other mommy or dad or whatever? I can’t tell if that’s a giraffe’s cock or a baby giraffe falling out. Freaks.

Healthcare is for healthy people! And by healthy, I mean white. You’re a racist if you want me to pay for your shit!

The thing is not worth educating. I’m not even educated. Why educate terrorists? ISIS! All lives matter. Except that trans blue giraffe. Deport that fucker.

These are seriously arguments people have in America?

No wonder we’re being punished. We’ve all been a dick to someone, somewhere, sometime, and maybe recently.

Someone has to stop being a dick, and it might as well be you. Your days of being a dick are over. Oh, relax, you homophobic pieces of trash! I said stop being one, not stop sucking them!

Shots!

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