All the President’s Women and Men (and others in Between)

SHARE THIS

The White House is Now the Outhouse

The White House is basically an outhouse. I’m not sure whether or not it has a door, or if it’s been tipped over like a cow.

I don’t know who’s responsible for cleaning that shit, but you don’t need a nose on your face to smell the shit coming from Washington D.C.

The city itself is remarkably beautiful. It’s like a pristine toilet with an unlimited capacity to deal with unsurmountable shit; day-in, day-out.

They lit a candle and weren't careful. The new outhouse is plastic and plastic melts.

Guess where it was made. Do you know what else is manufactured in China? Here’s a hint: the U.S. Government.

The answer is: Toilets. Toilets are made in China. The U.S. Government was only a hint.

I assume China makes more than engines and generators for Kohler while stealing Intellectual Property from all over the globe.

Words matter.

Trump and Pence are D.C. Toilet Paper

That’s what they are, and that’s what they’ve always been. The fix was in and the strings were strummed.

The Electoral College bestowed The White House with one, giant, and seemingly unlimited supply of Trump/Pence.

The usual brands in the ass-wipe industry nearly buried the world in butt crumbs.

Same shit, different day, week, month, year, Christmas.

“I can’t tell you what it really is; I can only tell you what it feels like.” – Love the Way You Lie; Eminem (feat. Rhianna)

Just Gonna Stand there and Watch me Burn

When it comes to history, I was as brainwashed as anyone. I used to swallow America’s shovel-ready bullshit – hook, line, and sinker.

I was 38 at the time, but the seeds had been planted my entire life. Also, Obama was president, and the company that I co-founded in 1999, et alia, llc., hadn’t started its rapid nosedive…yet.

On April 30, 2014, the U.S. Government - my government - sanctioned and observed the fraudulent sale of et alia, llc. - along with its intellectual property and trade secrets - to Kiewit Technology, Inc. On May 22, 2014, Kiewit Technology, Inc. announced it would operate under a new name: InEight, Inc.

It was still one year before, out of desperation, we offered two members of our executive team to invest in 8%.

We were bleeding cash like a slashed throat.

Is that blood in the Shark Tank?

Let’s call them “T” and “D”.

“T” and “D” were each offered 8%. While “D” passed on the offer, “T” actually dropped $160,000 cash for 8% of et alia. In fact, “T” inquired as to whether or not he could purchase the 8% “D” turned down. He wasn’t extended that offer.

That would have given him more equity than I had as co-founder!

Long story short, “T” lost money on his investment.

Weird, huh?

I get it now. I felt bad about it until I didn't. The guy wasn't exactly Shark Tank material. That's a whole other story.

Hindsight

False Flag on the Field

Do you believe that U.S. voters elected Donald Trump? I don’t and I never did. It’s simply not true. It’s impossible – not in America – not in this lifetime.

However, the results had to be believable, so a bunch of behind-the-scenes shit went down, worldwide, in every major industry. It feels eerily similar to The Purge. Only, this one doesn't have a title - yet. Maybe it does, I don't know. I know what I'd call it.

Besides, we don’t elect our president, we vote for our president.

The Electoral College elected Trump on December 19, 2016.

Good lord, America. What have you gotten yourselves into?

Federal and state governments dropped a bunch of balls in the worst ways. The balls busted like eggs – even though government balls are significantly smaller than below average nuts.

At what point did you begin to read between the lines? Was it before or after the day the world turned upside down?

Thank You, Politicians of America!

Once again, you’re the drunk uncle crossing the line at a family holiday gathering.

It’s always the same with you: Blame everyone who isn’t you for everyone’s misery, including your own.

Uncle Sam, what did you do to Aunt Samantha?

I can’t imagine how it feels to be you – nor do I want to. It looks as though you lost control of the narrative, and that sucks. Don’t call me when you lose control of your life.

By nature, politicians have an unusually high risk of becoming morons.

The past is playing out in front of our eyes and curious minds. Let’s rewind to July 5, 2016.

The director of the FBI, James Comey, recommended no charges against Hillary Clinton regarding the investigation of her using a private email server.

Democrats cheered while Republicans jeered. Comey was a hero! Or was he?

Fast forward to October 28, 2016, when Comey made another announcement. He divulged discovering a of trove of never before seen emails, effectively throwing Ms. Clinton back into the frying pan.

Republicans cheered while Democrats jeered. Comey was a hero! Or was he?

Who the fuck are these people? Do they really believe American’s are this fucking stupid? I mean, I’m American, but I’m not an American idiot.

On November 9, 2016, as people woke up, their heads exploded one way or another.

Americans were left to their own devices to process what the fuck just happened. Since then, nothing’s been natural. Everything coming out of D.C. is contrived.

The truth is in the metaphor, and the metaphor is a lie – a bigly BIG LIE.

Apparently, it’s required to be out of the know to know anything.

You can bet your bottom ~~Deutsch Bank~~ dollar this is a planned rollout of events. It’s a plan that’s been in place since well before the turn of the century, and that went off script further than anyone ever imagined – until now.

Nothing made sense, but the point of the great American shit show wasn't to make sense. Since its inception, the Super Gay American Nightmare was to make billions and trillions of dollars and cents without making sense.

Politicians have been full of shit for centuries, but we underestimated the amount of shit contaminating the only “Plan It” Earth we have.

That PIE sounds yummy, who wants a piece?

Look What You Made Me Do

Politics are private-label platform misunderstandings, between two party platforms, and that shit’s about to rip.

A special note to all members of the incoming 116th United States Congress set to start on January 3, 2019

Make no mistake, now is not a good time for any politician in America. You’re about to become part of an historic legacy of why we can’t have nice things.

I hope that’s not the case. We will learn whether or not the government shutdown tomorrow means good news or bad news for you.

In order to be a patriot, you have to care about the people living here. Every last one of them. No exceptions. That is not negotiable.

Just because I don’t have your attention doesn’t mean you don’t have mine.

In the end, you don’t want it to be something you didn’t do. It might be too late for some of you.

Ground Control to Major Tom

On May 9, 2017, President Trump fired James Comey. The heads of republicans and democrats (or whatever was left of them) collectively exploded – again!

What happened?

Mueller? Mueller?

The 115th U.S. Congress has some unfinished business, no?

Tell me I’m wrong.

Comey? Lynch? Ryan? Pelosi? Graham? Schumer? Obama? Clinton? Do any of you have anything to add? How about Bruce Grewcock at Kiewit? Are you familiar with him? Or Bill McDermott from SAP SE?

Facts related to Kiewit:

My co-founding partner and I scheduled a call for July 7, 2015 with Kiewit attorneys Mary Carnazzo and Jeremy Stewart.

On that call, we made the accusation that the purchase of et alia was fraudulent.

Within 24 hours, Jeremy notified both of us that they investigated our assertions and denied any malfeasance regarding the purchase of et alia.

It only took Kiewit 24-hours to investigate fraud, but the HR allegations we made in April, 2015 took over two months to tell us they did nothing wrong.

At the end of April, 2015, I met with Jill Thomsen. According to her business card, she was Kiewit’s Director of Government Relations.

According to Jill, she was Kiewit’s Director of Human Resources, a new position and she didn’t have business cards.

Bullshit.

At that time, Jill encouraged me to file a complaint with the EEOC. By June, Jill told me the EEOC would “laugh” me out of their office.

My co-founding partner filed a case with the EEOC later that year.

Hi, Jill. What changed? I know you know I know. Let me ask you, is there anything you want to say on your own behalf? Or can you?

I’m not breaking any confidentiality agreement right now.

It must have sucked when you failed to trick me into signing that piece of garbage.

I can't imagine anyone at Kiewit is excited for this story to come out.

What’s the difference between William and Bill?

Bill McDermott sat next to President Trump in Davos in early 2018, while Trump told the world the United States would “no longer turn a blind eye” to unfair trade practices.

Another fact: On July 9, 2015 – just two days after Brad and I spoke with the Kiewit attorneys – Bill McDermott suffered an injury. Ultimately, the injury cost him an eye.

I don’t know why these people would start telling the truth right now. Even a plea deal couldn’t stop Paul Manafort from lying through his teeth.

This country is on thin ice or deep shit – one of the two. Either way, we don’t need any more TP, we need and entirely new house. This isn’t as easy as remodeling a bathroom and it’s a little harder than leasing plastic pods to poop in.

Mr. President, is there anything you want to tell us?

Now You Know

The only climate not changing is political. Jupiter’s Great Red Spot is almost the perfect metaphor for U.S. politics. The difference being that Jupiter’s storm is shrinking.

Looks like there’s intelligent life out there after all.

Earth, however, continues pig-roasting its way around the Sun.

SHARE THIS

That’s how we row

SHARE THIS

The ongoing circus in the United States became more ridiculous last week when President Trump fired FBI Director James Comey.

It happened quick and dirty and everyone has theories. I suspect the real reason is much simpler than the narrative the American public gobbles like a spoon-fed Gerber baby.

Generation CREW

The software solution et alia developed was called CREW. It’s ironic that a Washington D.C. watchdog, formerly called Citizens for Ethics in Washington, has adopted ‘Responsibility’ into their name and now using the CREW acronym and the first iteration of our CREW logo.

On one hand it’s kind of cool to see that logo represent the fight against corruption in our nation’s Capital. On the other, it’s a slap in the face since CREW (the software) is directly related to one of the most corrupt operations within U.S. state and federal governments. That would be a great question for Comey.

Americans are a CREW of incredible people. While many could desperately use basic lessons in ethics and compassion, I can’t name too many who identify with today’s politics.

The sky isn’t falling. What you’re seeing is a full blown Trumpnado tearing through a blizzard of career snowflakes.

I expect a few destroyed careers, tanked reputations, irreparable relationships, and countless examples of hypocrisy – which will only make the popcorn, in this theater, taste infinitely better.

Selective outrage over Comey

Last July, Republicans hated Comey and Democrats loved him. Then in October, Republicans loved Comey and Democrats hated him. By November 6, everyone is like “WTF Comey?” And earlier this month Comey is fired and everyone’s pissed.

It’s hard to keep up with the crap coming out of Washington

I know a couple people who’ve tried. The past three years they almost crashed through the bottom of a 500 gallon drum of tequila. Luckily, they splash-landed, nearly intact.

The view was much clearer from their new vantage point. It became apparent that their new fresh hell began in 1999, when they started a small, often overlooked, software company. Honestly, it started way before, but 1999 is an unquestionable bookmark for events that occurred before and since.

Most of what happened was grossly misunderstood which turned everyone around them into skeptical critics. In time, most critics emerged looking in the same direction. Some came around only when it served their own interests, which is always too late (i.e. convenient) for any gesture to be genuine.

Swimming in tequila is dangerous while attempting to uncover truths that have been buried for over a decade. However, once you understand past misconceptions, it’s easier to decode subtle clues and outright lies within present-day narratives.

It’s amazing how history holds the key to understand today’s America, which only gets crazier by the day. Not much shocks me anymore and Comey’s termination was no different.

What will shock me is when the truth comes out.

Timeline of 2016

January 2016 – FBI delays release of Clinton emails regarding the Special Access Program to end of the month. There were a couple deadlines in 2015, but the last one was December 31, 2015. Everyone assumed the emails had everything to do with Benghazi, but that was simply a red herring. Anyway, the FBI was in charge as of January 1, 2016.

Clinton wanted them released ASAP as the emails were part of an ongoing investigation spanning a number of years including her time as Obama’s Secretary of State. Recall that both Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice had a private email servers. Imagine if they were both part of the same investigation. That’s my guess.

February 2016 – FBI delays email release to end of the month again. Something isn’t aligning with the FBI’s investigation and they aren’t able to release the Special Access Program emails. Justice Scalia passed in Texas during a hunting trip while in his bedroom. He was either resting peacefully or with a pillow covering his face. Regardless someone who never saw his body declared him officially dead and his family foregoes an autopsy.

My dog Marco was put down on the 17th of February. I’d be a terrible parent if I neglected to mention him in any 2016 timeline.

At the end of February, the FBI (Comey) flipped it up the chain of command and made the Department of Justice Attorney General Loretta Lynch tend goal to protect President Obama.

March 1, 2016 – Super Tuesday…oops too late to do anything. 2016 primaries kick off, full swing, and this was supposed to be resolved by now.

Trump (it appeared) was basically proving the regular, stale, GOP characters got lost in the shadow of a no bullshit, tell it like it is, real estate mogul who has switched political parties to oppose whichever party occupied the Oval Office.

Clinton (it appeared) was headed for the Oval and Sanders (I’m guessing) was supposed to be her Vice President. That’s what it looked like.

What else happened in March 2016? CIA Director John Brennan met with Putin in Moscow. Secretary of State John Kerry met with Putin in Russia as well.

April – June, 2016 – Delay, delay, delay, campaign pomp and circumstance. Cruz and Kasich dropped out at very suspect times if you pay attention to contested convention rules effectively ensuring a Trump nomination with little to no fuss. Seems they all agreed (or didn’t mind) serving up Trump as their guy. Aside from Rubio who was so affectionately referred to as the ‘boy in the bubble’ by Christie.

Clinton and Sanders float through their contest as beacons to different types frustrated Americans who are sick of political nonsense and senseless logic.

June 27, 2016 – Bill Clinton conveniently departing from Phoenix Sky Harbor airport the same timeframe Loretta Lynch arrived at the same airport as part of her six-city “pillars” roadshow to encourage collaboration between federal and local law enforcement for community policing. Phoenix is the training and education pillar.

July 5, 2016 – Comey comes forward and states that the FBI investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails doesn’t warrant any charges, though it was irresponsible of her to have a private server. He says he doesn’t want to be the one to alter political history. So, what exactly does Comey know?

Also July 5, 2016 – Hillary Clinton boards Air Force One along with President Obama to travel to their first joint appearance for the Clinton campaign in North Carolina.

July 2016 – RNC and DNC hold their conventions. Conveniently, DNC is hacked just before theirs making Hillary’s campaign appear hell bent on sabotaging Bernie Sanders. Some DNC people resign from their posts, including Debbie Wassermann Schultz.

August 2016 – October 2016 – Presidential debates. Hillary earns the confidence of former naysayers while Trump does and says things that would ruin any other politician’s career.

October Surprise – Comey burps and pukes all over claiming new information is found regarding the supposed investigation into Hillary Clinton’s email. One of two things happened:

1) Comey has a guilty conscience about what he knows and continues with the vague narrative of Clinton emails as a cover to something more complex regarding the FBI investigation. While I think this is true, it’s not the reason for the timely announcement.

2) Comey injected an excuse for Trump to win the election because Hillary Clinton, due to reasons unknown to the American public, cannot – and not by her own doing – win the presidency.

November 8, 2016 – Trump is elected. Confusion ensues. Fast forward a few months and pieces begin coming together.

In a nutshell

The United States found itself in a quandary it has never before faced. Now, it appears things have fallen out of control as the public narrative was already established and had been fed to the American public for years.

I think D.C. wishes their problem was Russian collusion to rig the election. They’ve gone too far down a road they thought was in better condition. Then again, that’s what our honorable politicians in Washington do – ignore problems in the U.S., make them worse, and figure out who to blame.

SHARE THIS

What are the real issues in America?

SHARE THIS

When considering if even a fraction of what I see or read anymore is an accurate reflection of America’s mindset, my heart sinks. Fake or not, the stories are ugly and the comments are uglier.

If you’re online, you’re in a vivarium. This is a test. If you cannot see the answer by now, try opening your eyes, ears, heart, and mind a tiny bit.

Life gets infinitely better if you don’t make people miserable. I promise!

If you want to be on the right side of history, you better side with humanity

Bullying – kids and adults – is very real in America. It’s kind of amazing we don’t bomb our own country. Or have we?

I don’t know what happens to people that makes them terrible adults. We all have our shit to deal with. All I ask is that you not be part of anyone’s pile.

We, as humans, should embrace and encourage a free and fair world as if it’s our collective purpose. Well, guess what? That is our collective purpose!

Empathy enables us to unite in powerful ways

Painful truths about pain are: nobody’s immune to it, and it has a purpose. You can’t walk a mile in someone’s shoes until you walk a marathon in your own.

Painful events that remind us life isn’t fair can be our most valuable life lessons. Those events help us prioritize what’s important to us, and can often bring clarity.

Can you relate?

Communication is the heart of humanity. Bring that to every table. It’s how we learn about, understand, and relate to each other.

We all have a lot more in common than we think. It just takes a little effort and a few questions. It pains me when people summarily ignore entire groups – be it age, scene, politics, race, religion, whatever – all because they’re uncomfortable. Poor things.

Learn to cope with being uncomfortable

It shouldn’t be that hard. We were all twelve at some point. Americans could stand to be a little more selfless. There are – believe it or not – actual, real problems in the world. Surprise!

A global logic problem

I grew up in Alaska during the culmination of the Cold War. I was born a month after President Nixon resigned. By the time I graduated high school, the Berlin Wall was mostly dismantled, and the Soviet Union had collapsed.

Later that year, I began my college experience. Bright-eyed and full of hope, my generation was ready to change the world.

Optimism sure is cute until years become decades

Good morning, America! In today’s news, distraction is the main attraction. Now, for our top story, “Politics prove the human capacity for hypocrisy.”

Fasten your seat belt, I just did a couple shots.

Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama, Trump. War. Terror. Money. Shovel ready. Oops, just kidding. Fraud. Secret Access Program. I’m with her. Pocahontas. Pussy. Nothing holds a country together like a small handful of pussy.

America is finally united!

Welcome to the United State of Disbelief!

The American Dream halted construction and the crews were sent home. News, news, words, news, fake news, satire, words, words, Twitter.

Where did the internet come from, anyway? Facebook sure came out of nowhere. How about The Google? What does SAP even do?

But we don’t care about government and business in the U.S. We like to tear each other down and make everyone miserable – for no reason whatsoever!

Why are you so intolerant of my free speech?

People can develop their most hateful opinions about issues that don’t affect them.

Oops, another shot.

If you don’t like the blue giraffe, simply leave him alone. He’s not from this country, but that doesn’t mean he can’t live here.

Wait, what? Oh, shit. I’m sorry. She? I thought she looked like a dyke. I just saw her in the mens’ room! I hate blue trans giraffes. Rape! If I had a daughter that would have been gross. Only men should be in there.

Giraffes belong in a zoo – along with all the other faggot species! I could have killed it if this liberal fuck town allowed open carry and I owned a gun. Guns!

By the way, there’s an awesome glory hole in the stall with the broken door. You’ll see these shoes I’m wearing tapping the floor! See you soon, buddy.

I almost changed my mind about abortion. Then I forgot that I want to watch the little monster grow up and have no parents! Well?

Who’s that freak in front of him? Is that the other mommy or dad or whatever? I can’t tell if that’s a giraffe’s cock or a baby giraffe falling out. Freaks.

Healthcare is for healthy people! And by healthy, I mean white. You’re a racist if you want me to pay for your shit!

The thing is not worth educating. I’m not even educated. Why educate terrorists? ISIS! All lives matter. Except that trans blue giraffe. Deport that fucker.

These are seriously arguments people have in America?

No wonder we’re being punished. We’ve all been a dick to someone, somewhere, sometime, and maybe recently.

Someone has to stop being a dick, and it might as well be you. Your days of being a dick are over. Oh, relax, you homophobic pieces of trash! I said stop being one, not stop sucking them!

Shots!

SHARE THIS

The Lifetime Achievement Award for Respecting Women goes to…

SHARE THIS

…neither of these boys.

A picture is worth a thousand words. If you wonder just how much Donald Trump respects women, spend a few minutes learning about his buddy, Dan Bilzerian.

Seriously, take a glance at Dan’s Instagram and Facebook page. Even Wikipedia.

They have a lot in common, except Dan actually tried to join the military, not dodge it. He attempted to become a Navy Seal, but never became a Navy Seal.

Birds of a feather…

SHARE THIS

This should come as no surprise.

SHARE THIS