Coming Together Feels Better

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Existence is Confusing

It wasn’t until my existence was picked up, kicked across the country, shaken, spun around, cattle prodded, and left sitting in the desert that I finally took life serious enough to consult a Magic 8-Ball.

When asked if I had purpose it replied, “Yes, definitely.”

Then, I got bold and asked if everyone had purpose.

It said, “That’s not your business. I said you have purpose. Go find it. Don’t worry about what anyone else has, does, or doesn’t do. In fact, don’t ask me any more questions. Give me to someone else.”

All that in an 8-Ball! Who knew? 

Puzzled Minds Think Alike

The most impactful life lessons I’ve learned are from personal experience. I can tell stories all day about my experiences, but that’s all they are. They’re stories!

If my words resonate with you, that’s amazing because I love connecting with people. For some reason, I’m in a situation where I’m able to explore the world through the eyes of a writer, and do it fearlessly.

That hasn’t always been the case, and the world has proven to be a strange place. I’ve witnessed some unbelievably nutty things over the years and it would be selfish of me to not share any with you.

I’ve tasted freedom and it’s delicious. It’s not easy to put on the table, but I love it and I have nothing to lose.

Your Mind, Your Business

The human mind is terribly complex.

Your mind absorbs (and stores) details of everything you encounter within your lifetime, even things you don’t remember.

Our minds create dreams while we sleep, even dreams we don’t remember.

Your mind is capable of imagination, including everything you left unimagined.

Our minds are not horribly difficult to use; yet we have an uncanny ability to complicate the simplest things.

Existence is Complicated

I expect complication. Something about complication feels normal. When a situation lacks complication I notice it’s missing, and become skeptical.

I hate being skeptical.

We have unlimited access to bad info every waking hour and we’re skeptical much of the time. Optimism is endangered because anything good just doesn’t feel right. When did feeling good become wrong?

Actually, it didn’t. Not officially.

Have a seat and see for yourself.

Your Table is Ready

Life is an incessant game of poker and it’s boring if you don’t pay attention. There’s always a spot reserved for you – and only you – for life.

How we behave, interact, and communicate with each other is a culmination of whatever cards life hands us on a daily basis.

You won’t win without trying and you have to play anyway.

Learn through observation and improve through experience.

At minimum, poker is entertaining, but can be insanely fun with the right people.

Luck can strike at any time and change your life.

With a good poker face, a losing hand can win almost any game.

Keep your head in the game.

Currency is mental and it’s amazing what your mind can afford.

Coloring by Travis Garrod; Devilish Smirk

The Best is Yet to Come

Bring yourself to the table so we can be better, together. Small changes will evolve your world before you know it.

Smile more. Welcome new people and show interest in others. Put forth an effort to show that you care. Make others smile.

Show respect and be your authentic self.

If you can’t do that, at least stop being a dick to people.

Devilish Smirk; Travis Garrod

Your days of being a dick, for no reason, are over. Someone has to stop being a dick, and it might as well be you.

If you want to feel better, come together.

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I’m Glad I’m Not a Toilet

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I am really glad I’m not a toilet. Who knows where the hell I’d end up, how much shit I’d swallow, or how many diseases I’d host and pass without even knowing.

Kind of like life…

People line up to use toilets, often not caring about the crappy chaos and splatter piss. Toilets deal with shit and piss all the time! The only break (if you call it a break) a toilet might catch is a little cocaine, or a senseless argument over genitals, but, at the end of the day, a toilet is a toilet.

I’ve been mistaken for a toilet before and all I can say is, screw that! 

Shitty Ass People

People can be awful a lot of the time. They do dipshit things to anyone, anywhere, anytime.

It boggles my mind when someone thinks they can do no wrong even after discreetly wrecking a marriage (or two) and (possibly) the heart of a child.

It’s especially rich when people change their convictions based on which way the wind blows. Abortion is the first word to comes to mind, but this is America so you know there are others – many others.

Left unchecked, bad traits (especially when involving money) can become dangerous – or criminal – habits.

Ever the optimist, I believe humanity will prevail, but we have to start prevailing. That means, grow up. It’s time.

Dream big!

This brings me to a dream I had last week. I have a tendency to forget my dreams. This time, however, the shit stuck.

What I love about dreams is they make no sense. It was one of those dreams within a dream within a dream.

This dream took place in a bar. Within the bar was a giant toilet. However, the bowl itself was somehow bigger than the planet.

Welcome to the shit show!

I don’t know how I ended up with a job at a local bar supporting toilets, but I was on plunger duty. You can imagine my face when way too many pieces of shit rolled through the door.

I knew I was in for a night to remember.

The influx of shit was due to a scrappy poster advertising an unrefined contest they could see from outside. The poster listed a vague prize. It was a simple word – treasure – all lowercase, written with glue and silver glitter.

The First Super Toilet Bowl

It sounded like something sponsored by the NFL. Toward the bottom of the poster was a scribbled guarantee; an opportunity to live the most fulfilled life and make a difference in the world for one winner.

How the shit coincidentally stumbled across this opportunity is anyone’s guess. Life doesn’t always make sense. But, we’re not here to talk about life. Today, we’re talking about shit.

The goal of the contest was to be the smallest piece of shit. You see, shit knows what it is so the strategies were lame. Rather than explain why they were the smallest, they focused on convincing the judge that the other pieces were bigger.

Blinded by slinging shit at each other, none of them noticed they were in a toilet bowl of global proportions. The judge watched as things got ugly fast. The water became cloudy and a warning light started to blink rapidly.

Shit was taking too long and the judge had to intervene. Tired of what he’d witnessed, he ripped a page right out of the Shitty Strategies playbook.

The word on the page was “loopholes” and that sounded close enough to “flush” for the judge.

The dirty water in the big bowl started swirling. All the shit suddenly started exposing how big each piece was! It stepped all over itself and got all smashed together and skidded up the sides. The shit was riding up each other’s backs and tried plugging the toilet with smaller pieces as it all started to break apart.

Silly shit!

Not one of the pieces of shit sacrificed themselves to save the others. None of the shit survived. In fact, none of them ever resurfaced. It was as if the bar never opened that night.

Thank god for more bars!

Nobody ever heard of that contest again. Nobody even wondered about a new venue. By design, the contest only appealed to shit to begin with and that’s the crux of the problem. It’s not a contest that can be advertised because it attracts the wrong contestants. As it stood, the contest that night was a once in a lifetime thing.

I woke up the first time

I remember waking up swimming laps in a cold toilet. Then I was enveloped in complete darkness. Suddenly I felt surrounded by pool toys all around. I started getting hit in the head with fresh crap while treading water as I yelled “SHIT!” over and over.

I woke up the second time

There was an envelope in my lap that said “Super Toilet Bowl Criteria for Winners” I opened it to find a torn piece of lined paper out of a miniature sized spiral notebook.

It read, “Sole winner? Are you joking? In this contest there are only losers. Pieces of shit will always lose. If you don’t want to lose, don’t be a piece of shit. Prize to be shared with all non-losers.”

In that moment, I realized the contest wasn’t over. Not yet, but it could be over at any moment and I didn’t want to be a piece of shit when it was done.

What nobody understood was everyone, everywhere was in the contest all along.

I woke up for the third and final time

My skin was clammy as my body was covered in a cold sweat and my ceiling fan was on high.

I was laying in bed and my pillow was soaking wet. My shirt looked like I just left a water balloon fight and jumped in bed. My sheets were drenched.

I was cold and uncomfortable and in the dark. But, at least I was safe.

In that moment, I realized a simple truth: Live your life, but don’t be a piece of shit!

God works in mysterious ways.

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