Ding Ding “D” O’Duck Duck “G”


Righting at the Speed of Love

What you’re about to read is not about God. It’s about the nation he’s above. It’s about the United States of America – a country I love and the country I’m from – the country that boldly declares In God We Trust on its currency and the people who prioritize money above human life.

They will have a hard time keeping pace with how this is about to unfold.

Home of the brave, indeed.

Good morning, America! More on moron money in a minute. 

I’ve been in a growing state of confusion for the better part of six years. The words regularly penetrating me these days are ongoing and mind blowing.

Look out, folks. I need a shot before I continue. This will be uncomfortable for some awful people.

By the way, my relationship with Milagro involves only a shot glass.

Lordy, Lordy Look Who’s 40

I turned 40 less than a month after moving to Scottsdale. I never imagined how drastically different my life would become today.

It’s a fucking mess, but in the most glorious way.

On September 13, 2018, I’ll have served a four-year term in Arizona.

It happened when it would create an everlasting impact.

I’m not the only one whose life completely realigned itself. 

I’m still perplexed, but I feel incredibly blessed, beyond measure, and anyone who knows me understands how weird that statement sounds coming from me.

I deserve another shot. This one’s a double.

America’s Multiple Reality Disorder

Multiple realities are what make life worth living. This is a country where only 5% of the world calls home. We are the world’s melting pot. There’s no country more diverse than America which gives America the biggest opportunity.

In God We Trust

There’s a difference between having life and being alive.

There’s no purpose in having, but there is purpose in being. Not all humans are human beings. At the end of the day there are two ways to go. You either die feeling miserable or depart fulfilled, feeling upgraded to a level of love I cannot wait to see.

For now, I’m going to have to deal with just feeling the love, which isn’t a bad penalty box. I’ll be back in the game soon enough. I needed the rest anyway.

There are plenty of people who never thought this much truth would ever surface. Then again, those people aren’t very smart, and I no longer surround myself with people who bury the truth under layers of deception so easily. That’s not what a human being does.

Being a human being is never easy. Shit, hooking up on Scruff isn’t easy.

Circling Back to Trusting God with Money

Earn it honestly. Don’t steal it and don’t take bribes. I don’t recommend accepting anything stamped with God for bad things. But, I don’t care either way. You do you and it looks like you’re happy doing it and that’s great. Keep going down that path.

In God We Trust

God is everything. God is even the Devil. Think about that for a second.

Be careful, money is a double-edged sword and it’s sharp. By itself, money isn’t the root of all evil; it’s the love of money that will ruin your life and the lives around you.

Money is more addictive than any drug you can inject. It’s especially dangerous because your friends love its scent. It smells better than a kilo of coke and they know when you can’t afford them anymore.

Cash Strapped Trust

If you don’t know what’s going on by now, I don’t know what to Tonya.

Everyone had every opportunity to practice their blindfolded triple consecutive quad axels, coupled with kickboxing and creativity, in time for crowbar season.

Crowbars are basically bats. It doesn’t matter whether it has wings and rabies, or made of wood, both are bad news. You won’t know what hit you anyway, and it doesn’t matter. That’s the least of the problems you can’t solve.

In God We Trust

Money is a magnet for greed and a tool used to manipulate the actions of others. It’s a criminal’s temptation and fuels corruption.

Money dehumanizes us because everyone needs it to survive. It’s one of an infinite temptation we encounter every day.

What will you do for money?

“Keep your relationship with God to yourself and I promise I won’t thump you over the head with a giant dildo in casual passing.” Author Unknown

Simply Awesome Pest Control

No more bets.

America has never had a more easily guided walk, at the speed of baby steps, consciously coupled with the slowest, most repetitive, slide show of bullshit ever imagined.” Author unknown as far as I Know.

The risk of playing with fire is that most people aren’t smart enough to know they’re dancing in the flames.

Rectal Dysfunction

You’re in deep shit if your head is still up your ass. An occasional brain fart doesn’t cut the cheese.

It’s time to shit your brains out. The clock is ticking.

Lt. Dan had legs for days; he just didn’t know how many days.

Money Didn’t Sight Light! Holy Crap!

Since last July, the term “blind trust” has become a common theme and grounding reminder between me and a special friend.

Creativity, music, muses, mistakes, curiosity, compassion, and truth – which takes the longest to expose – are my personal development tools.

Having friends with mutual respect doesn’t harm the process, but introduces a whole new level of disappointment and hurt, that makes you stronger if you’re an adult who can admit mistakes.

Does time heal all wounds? Here’s a hint. No. Time eases pain, but pharmacies don’t sell it.

Ok, I’m taking my dog to the park so I need to wrap this up.

Remain committed to yourself and be loyal enough to be trusted. “Blind Trust” is scary, but it’s the best feeling when it was the right decision even though it’s the most vulnerable feeling.

Now, where did I put that tequila? Three shots this time! I feel like I just bowled a 300. A boy can dream!

In God WE Trust

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I’m Glad I’m Not a Toilet


I am really glad I’m not a toilet. Who knows where the hell I’d end up, how much shit I’d swallow, or how many diseases I’d host and pass without even knowing.

Kind of like life…

People line up to use toilets, often not caring about the crappy chaos and splatter piss. Toilets deal with shit and piss all the time! The only break (if you call it a break) a toilet might catch is a little cocaine, or a senseless argument over genitals, but, at the end of the day, a toilet is a toilet.

I’ve been mistaken for a toilet before and all I can say is, screw that! 

Shitty Ass People

People can be awful a lot of the time. They do dipshit things to anyone, anywhere, anytime.

It boggles my mind when someone thinks they can do no wrong even after discreetly wrecking a marriage (or two) and (possibly) the heart of a child.

It’s especially rich when people change their convictions based on which way the wind blows. Abortion is the first word to comes to mind, but this is America so you know there are others – many others.

Left unchecked, bad traits (especially when involving money) can become dangerous – or criminal – habits.

Ever the optimist, I believe humanity will prevail, but we have to start prevailing. That means, grow up. It’s time.

Dream big!

This brings me to a dream I had last week. I have a tendency to forget my dreams. This time, however, the shit stuck.

What I love about dreams is they make no sense. It was one of those dreams within a dream within a dream.

This dream took place in a bar. Within the bar was a giant toilet. However, the bowl itself was somehow bigger than the planet.

Welcome to the shit show!

I don’t know how I ended up with a job at a local bar supporting toilets, but I was on plunger duty. You can imagine my face when way too many pieces of shit rolled through the door.

I knew I was in for a night to remember.

The influx of shit was due to a scrappy poster advertising an unrefined contest they could see from outside. The poster listed a vague prize. It was a simple word – treasure – all lowercase, written with glue and silver glitter.

The First Super Toilet Bowl

It sounded like something sponsored by the NFL. Toward the bottom of the poster was a scribbled guarantee; an opportunity to live the most fulfilled life and make a difference in the world for one winner.

How the shit coincidentally stumbled across this opportunity is anyone’s guess. Life doesn’t always make sense. But, we’re not here to talk about life. Today, we’re talking about shit.

The goal of the contest was to be the smallest piece of shit. You see, shit knows what it is so the strategies were lame. Rather than explain why they were the smallest, they focused on convincing the judge that the other pieces were bigger.

Blinded by slinging shit at each other, none of them noticed they were in a toilet bowl of global proportions. The judge watched as things got ugly fast. The water became cloudy and a warning light started to blink rapidly.

Shit was taking too long and the judge had to intervene. Tired of what he’d witnessed, he ripped a page right out of the Shitty Strategies playbook.

The word on the page was “loopholes” and that sounded close enough to “flush” for the judge.

The dirty water in the big bowl started swirling. All the shit suddenly started exposing how big each piece was! It stepped all over itself and got all smashed together and skidded up the sides. The shit was riding up each other’s backs and tried plugging the toilet with smaller pieces as it all started to break apart.

Silly shit!

Not one of the pieces of shit sacrificed themselves to save the others. None of the shit survived. In fact, none of them ever resurfaced. It was as if the bar never opened that night.

Thank god for more bars!

Nobody ever heard of that contest again. Nobody even wondered about a new venue. By design, the contest only appealed to shit to begin with and that’s the crux of the problem. It’s not a contest that can be advertised because it attracts the wrong contestants. As it stood, the contest that night was a once in a lifetime thing.

I woke up the first time

I remember waking up swimming laps in a cold toilet. Then I was enveloped in complete darkness. Suddenly I felt surrounded by pool toys all around. I started getting hit in the head with fresh crap while treading water as I yelled “SHIT!” over and over.

I woke up the second time

There was an envelope in my lap that said “Super Toilet Bowl Criteria for Winners” I opened it to find a torn piece of lined paper out of a miniature sized spiral notebook.

It read, “Sole winner? Are you joking? In this contest there are only losers. Pieces of shit will always lose. If you don’t want to lose, don’t be a piece of shit. Prize to be shared with all non-losers.”

In that moment, I realized the contest wasn’t over. Not yet, but it could be over at any moment and I didn’t want to be a piece of shit when it was done.

What nobody understood was everyone, everywhere was in the contest all along.

I woke up for the third and final time

My skin was clammy as my body was covered in a cold sweat and my ceiling fan was on high.

I was laying in bed and my pillow was soaking wet. My shirt looked like I just left a water balloon fight and jumped in bed. My sheets were drenched.

I was cold and uncomfortable and in the dark. But, at least I was safe.

In that moment, I realized a simple truth: Live your life, but don’t be a piece of shit!

God works in mysterious ways.

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Is America having a Political Intervention?


Americans Lost Control of America a Long Time Ago

Government of the people, by the lobbyists, for selfish reasons has been the U.S. mantra for decades.

The pieces never change in Government Monopoly. The banker owns Boardwalk and stomped backwards to Baltic Avenue.

For the record, I’ve identified as Republican most of my life, but I never thought I’d feel this ashamed. Not because of what Republicans were, it’s what they’ve become.

There’s a huge disconnect between the ‘Republican’ people think they are and the Republican party they support.


American Politics is Basically a Dog’s Diet

Dog food is bland, predictable, and rarely changes. Brands market flavors, but they’re basically the same. Variety comes in scraps. Whenever ignored or left unattended, dogs eat anything they want.

Make America Trust Again

Politicians have failed America and Americans are failing each other. We don’t know what we don’t know, but we’re damn good at pretending we do! We’re all sure of one thing: The other candidate is more corrupt!

Good politicians are mostly useless in this twisted bundle of knots. Americans become angrier as power trumps policy and money keeps the U.S. in a federal and state government stalemate.


Too many Americans don’t believe in our political system. Too many don’t care. Many voters will shrug their shoulders and choose whomever they consider the lesser evil. It’s pathetic.

Show me the Money!

Remember President Obama’s early first term trade deal with Panama? It seemed shady at the time. Within the past couple years, a small, important bribery case flew under the radar.

For more context, here’s a related post: The Three Ring Circus of Crime.

In April 2014, SAP fired Miami-based sales executive Vicente Eduardo Garcia. In August 2015, Garcia pleaded guilty for bribing ex-Panamanian president Ricardo Martinelli to purchase SAP software.

If you understand SAP’s license and maintenance game, this won’t shock you.

In December 2015, Garcia was sentenced to 22-months in federal prison. In February 2016, the SEC fined SAP $3.7 million under the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act.

When pleading guilty, Garcia called the bribe “necessary.” Interesting. Has the global corruption nut been cracked?

Supposedly, ongoing investigations involving SAP continue. Is this related to The Panama Papers? We haven’t heard much about those recently either.

Making Sense of the Nonsensical

I never believed Donald Trump was serious. Maybe I’m wrong. I sleep better knowing I never supported him.

Trump has the GOP in a choke hold. Permanently smug, he’s exposing everything the far-right believes, unfiltered, while the ‘old guard’ silently watches the controlled demolition of their party.

When you think you’ve heard it all, he gets worse.

It’s ugly. Really, really ugly.

Trump wants to win like anyone wants antibiotic resistant gonorrhea.

Within a year, Trump evolved from barely decent to indigestible and was the only candidate standing for the last nine Republican primaries.

Voila! Republicans nominated an inexperienced, obnoxious Democrat pretending to be Republican.

Since being nominated, Trump’s earned more Republican endorsements for Hillary Clinton than her campaign ever could.


Is America having a Political Intervention?

How are Americans supposed to elect a president when they’re united by fear and deeply divided by lies? Give them an obvious choice: Trump vs. Clinton. We’re either in purgatory or political intervention and I assume we aren’t living a real life version of Lost.

An intervention makes sense. Cash-susceptible hypocrites who have no business in public service plague both parties. In a shameless quest for power, our government became lobotomized by lobbyists. It’s about money bundled in a web of conflicts of interest.

Unless the cycle is broken, the U.S. will spend its way to oblivion. Until the web of corruption is unraveled, nobody – and I mean nobody – can claim fiscal responsibility.

A Tale of Two Extremes. Most Americans don’t identify with a major party. You’re either Pro-war or a terrorist; fiscally conservative or a communist; racist or Black Lives Matter; for the 2nd Amendment or against it. Party support can be about a single issue – many of them social and unnecessarily political. Basically, you cannot support the LGBT and care about national security. Excuse me?

Stuck in the Middle. The majority of voters rest somewhere between the two major parties. One-by-one, issues take center stage highlighting problems that shouldn’t be political. These are the issues that sway the middle who ultimately decides which party holds the presidency.

To Hell with a Third Party (this time). Many Americans desire a third party – one that knows the role government should play in our private lives and prioritizes accordingly. One that’s socially liberal and fiscally conservative; one that doesn’t squander funds in an endless war against boogeymen who have the home of the brave living in constant fear.

The only candidates participating in the first presidential debate are Trump and Clinton. If that doesn’t tell you voting third party is a wasted effort, nothing will.

Distraction is the Main Attraction. When perception’s reality, the truth is irrelevant. It’s either incredibly telling or massively insulting how U.S. media ignores anything other than the election. On any given day at least half of the top headlines on most ‘news’ sources are about Trump. You won’t find world, business, technology, economic, or political news unless you dig. Significant M&A activity is occurring within major industries around the planet, but you wouldn’t know it if you live in the U.S.

Do you know anyone affected by the VW diesel emissions scandal? What about Lockheed’s $400 billion F-35 logistics system fiasco? Did congress just approve over $1 billion arms sale to Saudi Arabia while Obama, on Friday, vetoed a law giving 9/11 families the right to sue Saudi Arabia?

Sacrificing the GOP. First, I thought Trump’s purpose was destroying the GOP. He accomplished that the minute Jeb Bush suspended his campaign after Super Tuesday. It wasn’t until Cruz and Kasich’s conveniently timed exit that exposed a more consorted effort to make Trump the nominee. According to RNC rules, if either Kasich or Cruz stayed in for one more primary, they could’ve had a legitimate contested convention.

However, they both dropped out right before the primary that would make that possible. Curious, isn’t it? Especially since Cruz refused to endorse Trump at the Republican convention.

Tipping the Scales. It’s as if a conscious dismantling of the establishments began with the GOP. The DNC has seen some shake-up, but nothing to the extent of the GOP…yet. The Republicans had 17 contenders a year ago and the only one to gain traction was the guy with zero political experience, acts like a 5-year-old, and lashes out on Twitter like a thin-skinned crybaby.


Herding the Cattle. One way to corral support is for one nominee to have an epic public meltdown. Let him espouse racial epithets. Add hate, fear, and discrimination to the party platform and, ultimately, you’ve made support of said nominee regretful, embarrassing, and/or unconscionable.

Even still, some supporters are stuck to him like barnacles. Barnacles are a bitch!

The Ridiculous Decision. Nobody likes voting for people they don’t trust. Most voters believe politicians and trust are mutually exclusive. That’s Clinton’s biggest problem and that’s probably why Trump is so incredibly bad. Trump demonstrates daily why he’s not trustworthy while Clinton battles years of character attacks, lies, and political spin. Clinton has to be the most corrupt politician with the shortest rap sheet.

Republicans have spent many more millions investigating Clinton than they approved for the full investigation into 9/11 and the subsequent production of the 9/11 Commission Report.

When are coincidences no longer coincidences?

Hindsight is 20/20. History is written by the victors. Question everything and you begin seeing possible explanations of why we’re in this massive political cluster.

It would take an unthinkable bipartisan effort to fix America’s political crisis. It would take an even more unthinkable global cooperation to fix worldwide economic crime. If what I believe about SAP, international governments, and U.S. dollars is true, then the fix is in. We just don’t know it yet. Could this be the October surprise?

For starters, the timing of Paul Ryan’s appointment as Speaker of the House which happens to be #3 in line for the presidency.

Endless extensions for the release of Clinton’s private server emails concerning the Special Access Program classification. (December 31, 2015 to January 31, 2016 to February 29, 2016 when the FBI finally elevated responsibility to the DOJ).

On July 5, 2016, FBI director James Comey, in his recommendation to not charge Clinton, stated he didn’t want to be the one to alter the course of political history. That doesn’t mean Clinton did anything wrong. Sounds like it’s someone else’s job to alter the course of political history.

Were the emails on a private server in order to be exposed in the first place? The same could be said for Snowden. How did her private server get exposed? The Benghazi investigation, of course.

Anyway, I digress. There’s something brewing in Washington and it’s only a matter of time before this simmering mess boils over. And it’s about time.

Americans are better than this.

If you haven’t succumbed to election fatigue, you’re a sucker for punishment. I am sick of the charade. It’s insulting.

The arguments aren’t worth having. Not at this point. Not anymore. It’s not worth losing relationships with your friends and family.

Sit back and let it all unfold. Meanwhile, live life. Focus on things that matter. Spend time with those you love. Make those around you smile. Stay true to yourself despite the political turmoil. It’s all bullshit.

Your only political responsibility is to show up for election day and vote your conscience. By now, the decision should be clear.

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The Three Ring Circus of Crime


A web of corruption is spun in the wake of awarding and winning U.S. government contracts and funds.

Corruption has no party affiliation, just special interests. Cash is king.

This affects the public and private sectors in nearly every industry and most countries.

Uncle Sam needs a colonic. STAT!

Someone grab a hose and bucket; it’s about to get dirty.

Photo Credit/Source: Kathy van de Laar/LinkedIn

All bets are off in 2016. I’m not buying most of what the presidential front runners are selling. Media coverage is basically satire except it’s not funny anymore.

Progress is at a stand still and the arguments are old as time.

Forget what you think you know about republicans and democrats. Right now, there is no difference between them regarding the biggest problems plaguing our country – greed and corruption

While rampant, these problems are not unique in the United States. Criminals, everywhere, line each others’ pockets with U.S. taxpayer funds.

Until this is fixed, our politics will remain broken.

It’s that simple and it’s sad and pathetic.

It's show time on Showtime

Money, money, money.

In December 2015, Reuters reported the U. S. tied ex-Panamanian president, Ricardo Martinelli, to a bribery scheme involving German software giant, SAP.

Last year, ex-SAP sales executive, Vicente Garcia, pleaded guilty to bribing Panamanian officials. On December 16, 2015, Garcia was sentenced to 22-months in prison by a U.S. court in California.

In February 2016, SAP agreed to pay a $3.9 million penalty under the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act after an investigation by the SEC.

Isolated event or the tip of the iceberg?

That’s up to the SEC to determine. I have to believe the SEC learned from its careless investigation of Bernie Madoff and his Ponzi Scheme, I hope they wouldn’t miss another. However, corruption knows no bounds.

The U.S. government and public sector spend billions of dollars, annually, on SAP software and maintenance. Many taxpayer funded implementations run tens of millions, if not hundreds of millions of dollars over budget.

The Municipality of Anchorage is one current example.

Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. 

SAP is not alone, but they are a nucleus. The U.S. government is an SAP customer. More than 70% of the Fortune 500 are government contractors and most of them are SAP customers.

Between the U.S. and SAP and contractors and SAP and the U.S. and contractors, there is ample opportunity for the morally bankrupt.

It’s a global playground. Like I said, SAP is everywhere.

About that colonic…

In late January, it was reported that President Obama was working on a plan involving an executive order requiring government contractors receiving more than $100,000 in contracts to disclose, publicly, campaign contributions.

Of course, this is being politicized as a fight between republicans and democrats, but that is completely false.

This is about bribery, money, and power. Only a common criminal would fight against this or not sign it.

I’m ready to see these smug, narcissistic hypocrites fall fast and hard. I don’t care who they are.

President Obama, it’s your move. Make them squirm.

I haven’t completely given up on humanity. Not yet.

The clock is ticking.

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