We both grew up with dogs. We understood the responsibilities of owning one, but never had our own.
We were prepared for Denver’s arrival well before we picked him up. We setup his crate, bought the necessities, and mouthfuls of toys. We hopped in the car; five hours later, Denver was home.
All in until the end.
I expected to outlive Denver. Most owners do, but in the beginning, I wasn’t thinking about the end. That day was so far away. I had plenty of time…look! Puppy!
I hit snooze.
Two years later, Marco arrived. Another puppy!
Snooze.
We knew they would impact our lives, but didn’t realize how deeply. After they settled in, we finally understood the heartbreak that came with them.
Having been through it twice, here’s what I can tell you about euthanasia and pet loss:
Saying goodbye will never be easy – Both were equally hard. I was – and always will be – present. Even Marco was in the room when Denver passed. That wasn’t the plan, but it was special. That’s another story.
The responsibility was mine – At times, I wished someone would tell me what to do. Procedures, surgeries, scans, tests, medication, chemo, euthanize – your vet will advise you. Ultimately, it’s your call.
You can be thrown a curveball – Hidden ailments aren’t always diagnosed when there are no symptoms. In these cases, you may be faced with a decision within days or, sadly, hours.
When deciding, put them first – With Denver we wondered, ‘too soon?’ With Marco we wondered, ‘too late?’ Health issue or age, you will know when it’s time. You’ll see it in their eyes. They will tell you. Decide, don’t look back, and don’t beat yourself up.
“It’s okay to let them go on a high note.”– Denver’s vet of 12 years said this. She helped us realize it was okay to let him go before we had no choice. He didn’t look sick. Regardless, his seizures were bad, more frequent, and he’d been on medication for 18 months. He was a different dog.
Make memories until the end–It’s your turn to be there for them. Comfort them with your voice and touch. Don’t leave anything left unsaid as if they understand every word.
Allow yourself to grieve – I felt the void. I cried a lot. One minute, I’d be fine and fully breakdown the next. Triggers were all around me, but they weren’t. I rode waves of emotions until they simmered.
Keep their memory alive – August 30 is Denver’s day. February 17 is Marco’s day. Anniversaries aside, they’re always in my heart. I reflect with those who knew them. Eventually, the tears became laughter and smiles.
I wouldn’t change a thing –I think about them everyday and the memories they helped me create. They experienced life with me in ways nobody has. Our souls are connected forever.
Coping and time.
Pets and death is an unfortunate reality. It’s a moment you will carry for the rest of your life.
Over time, my emotions evolved. They hit hard, subsided, and occur less spontaneously. It was a painful lesson and I’m emerging more grateful than ever.
The inevitable question.
People asked me, “Will you get another puppy?” I kept asking myself, “Was it worth it?” Dogless, I saw the whole picture. Unequivocally, my answer is yes.
I expected I would soon bid farewell to Marco. He was 14 and had surgery in October. By February, another ailment diminished his ability to walk.
Marco in 2012
We suspect cancer, but never confirmed. He deteriorated quickly so we simply made the best of his remaining time.
His spine became contorted and his hind legs couldn’t support his body beyond hobbling from bed to his bowls to the backyard and back to bed.
Eventually, he stopped returning from the backyard. Instead, he laid down in spots he never laid before. He looked sad and tired and finally looked his age.
His body was failing; medication was useless. One night he stopped walking entirely.
The day I woke up knowing Marco would be gone before I slept again was one of the saddest days of my life.
We didn’t have a set time that day – we had an ‘arrive by’ time.
We reminisced and thanked Marco for all he gave us over the years. We cycled through laughter and degrees of breakdowns as the day wore on.
Every memory ended with the harsh reality that he was leaving us within hours.
The biggest hurdle was taking Marco to the car understanding it was his last exit from my house.
In the car, Marco had an energy I hadn’t seen in a while. He smiled and wagged his tail once again. The excitement in his eyes was comforting. It’s as if he knew and told us it’s okay.
We carried him into the vet clinic. Our tears spoke for us. There wasn’t a dry eye in the waiting area as the staff escorted us to a private room.
We cradled him as he was prepped for injections. By the time we were ready, Marco was sleeping. The vet explained what would occur. As the final breakdown ensued, a single nod gave the green light.
We sat with him until his final breath.
An unavoidable void.
I was sad leaving the vet clinic, but relieved. I felt lighter. The worst was over and it was time to grieve.
I broke down everyday for two weeks. My house felt empty. I felt empty. Everything reminded me of unconditional love lost. I swear I heard Marco bark from other rooms. I caught glimpses of him in my peripheral vision, but saw nothing when I looked directly.
Denver and Marco added so much to my life and the lives around me.
What dogs provide us is worth every painful responsibility required when owning them.
Through their lives and losses, it became apparent how much of a ‘dog person’ I am. Letting our loyal companions go will never be easy, but I will do it again.
Sooner than expected.
I wasn’t looking for a puppy when a friend sent me the link that led to Bella.
She has this look mastered.
If you would have told me a girl would change my life this year, move in, and I’d pick up her crap, I would have told you that happened two years ago – and his name’s Eric.
Bella was born on January 30, 2016. I’ve accidentally called her Marco and Denver, but her nicknames are piling up.
Adapting to her new home well.
She makes me smile. She’s a positive spirit and loves everyone. Her eyes say everything. She makes me happy and makes me think. I feel like a kid when she’s around. Best of all, she doesn’t care about my alleged snoring.
I pick up her poop and she tries to get in the bathroom when I poop. That’s a first.
Puppy energy is exactly what this house needed. It’s exactly what I needed.
A web of corruption is spun in the wake of awarding and winningU.S. government contracts and funds.
Corruption has no party affiliation, just special interests. Cash is king.
This affects the public and private sectors in nearly every industry and most countries.
Uncle Sam needs a colonic. STAT!
Someone grab a hose and bucket; it’s about to get dirty.
Photo Credit/Source: Kathy van de Laar/LinkedIn
All bets are off in 2016. I’m not buying most of what the presidential front runners are selling. Media coverage is basically satire except it’s not funny anymore.
Progress is at a stand still and the arguments are old as time.
Forget what you thinkyou know about republicans and democrats. Right now, there is no difference between them regarding the biggest problems plaguing our country – greed and corruption.
While rampant, these problems are not unique in the United States. Criminals, everywhere, line each others’ pockets with U.S. taxpayer funds.
Until this is fixed, our politics will remain broken.
It’s that simple and it’s sad and pathetic.
Money, money, money.
In December 2015, Reuters reported the U. S. tied ex-Panamanian president, Ricardo Martinelli, to a bribery scheme involving German software giant, SAP.
Last year, ex-SAP sales executive, Vicente Garcia, pleaded guilty to bribing Panamanian officials. On December 16, 2015, Garcia was sentenced to 22-months in prison by a U.S. court in California.
In February 2016, SAP agreed to pay a $3.9 million penalty under the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act after an investigation by the SEC.
Isolated event or the tip of the iceberg?
That’s up to the SEC to determine. I have to believe the SEC learned from its careless investigation of Bernie Madoff and his Ponzi Scheme, I hope they wouldn’t miss another. However, corruption knows no bounds.
The U.S. government and public sector spend billions of dollars, annually, on SAP software and maintenance. Many taxpayer funded implementations run tens of millions, if not hundreds of millions of dollars over budget.
SAP is not alone, but they are a nucleus. The U.S. government is an SAP customer. More than 70% of the Fortune 500 are government contractors and most of them are SAP customers.
Between the U.S. and SAP and contractors and SAP and the U.S. and contractors, there is ample opportunity for the morally bankrupt.
It’s a global playground. Like I said, SAP is everywhere.
If people hate America, it should be because over 40% of us allow less than 60% of us to elect our president and that’s an optimistic election year.
It’s usually closer to 50%.
“Because a vision softly creeping, left its seeds while I was sleeping”
I accompanied my stepmother to the polls during the 1984 presidential election. While she waited to cast her vote, I stood by the entrance of the school and asked people who they voted for as they exited.
As she walked out, she heard me. Immediately, she cut me off, told me my question was inappropriate, and apologized for me.
I asked her why? I was under the impression one candidate was far superior to the other and I just wanted to see if people made a bad decision.
She told me politics are personal.
Turns out, one was far superior that year according to voters. Only 53% of US voters showed up that year. 59% of them elected Ronald Reagan to a second term. He beat Walter Mondale 525 electoral votes to 13. Minnesota and Washington D.C. chose Mondale.
“And the vision that was planted in my brain, still remains”
My grandfather defined Republicans and Democrats for me.
He said Republicans teach a man to fish and Democrats give a man a fish.
While there were other easily digested anecdotes, religion was never part of it.
“In restless dreams I walked alone, narrow streets of cobblestone”
I’ve known I was gay since I was in first grade; I did not choose this supposed lifestyle.
I played hockey for 10 years. In those locker rooms was where I heard the word faggot.
Every time I felt I needed to be interested in a girl, I chose someone unattainable, sometimes from another school.
I began to think I was sick, but the thought of a girlfriend gave me anxiety because it would be a lie and she would be a tool.
I never told anyone until after I left Alaska to attend college.
I was 37 when I realized someone else in my graduating high school class was gay.
To this day, politicians waste money fighting basic workplace protections preventing harassment or discrimination against me.
They tout job creation.
I thought we’d be beyond this by now.
“People talking without speaking, people hearing without listening”
We act like life is black and white, and nothing could be further from the truth.
Today’s headlines would have us believe life is simple and matter-of-fact.
We, the people, are divided by absolutes and armed with free speech.
Follow, share, repeat, but whatever you do, don’t think.
“Silence like a cancer grows”
Spoon fed and distracted, we’ve become stoic and desensitized.
We are not malnourished.
“Hear my words that I might teach you; take my arms that I might reach you”
Screw baseball and football; America’s favorite pastimes are manipulation and hypocrisy.
Forget everything you’ve heard because today’s party names are labels and nothing more.
The first and second amendments should be honored, literally, and handled responsibly.
Neither are going away, no matter who is president.
Lump separation of church and state in there too.
Knitting needles have put more religion than the constitution permits into the fabric of our nation.
Freedom to think you’re right isn’t the right to define freedom.
Every citizen of this country shouldbe able to form and build a family.
Every citizen of this country shouldbe protected at work from any form of harassment or discrimination.
When you hear something scary from anywhere but the source, you’re being manipulated by fear.
Fear equals desperation and is the lowest form of manipulation.
So long as we can make each other feel stupid, scared, or insecure, we don’t have to admit what we don’t bring to the table.
Hate perpetuates fear and fear leads to war.
You have a choice to be part of the problem or part of the solution.
Fear causing hate will never produce a solution.
We have a lot to fix and it won’t happen over night.
It may not happen in your lifetime.
We shape a better future by being better people.
Lovethy neighbor.
People will die no matter what.
“But my words like silent raindrops fell, and echoed in the wells of silence”
We all agree opinions don’t matter, except the opinions we agree with.
It’s easy to feel right when everyone tells you you’re right in the safety of your very own chamber of echos.
“And the people bowed and prayed, to the neon god they made”
The United States isn’t mentioned in the bible.
7.3 billion people are on this planet and less than 5% live in the United States.
There is no war on Christmas.
There is no war on Christianity.
Anyone who tells you differently is a war monger, looking for a fight.
The Pledge of Allegiance was originally written by a socialist minister in 1892 and did not contain the words ‘under God.’
‘Under God’ was added in 1954.
‘In God We Trust’ first appeared on US currency in 1957 followed by coins in 1964. Personally, that doesn’t bother me so long as our currency is strong.
Religion is good, but can be dangerous in the wrong hands, especially a government.
Freedom of religion is not going anywhere and neither is my right to say that.
Believe it or not, we are in a safe phase of our election process. The rubber meets the road after the primary elections.
The vitriol you hear today is between leaders fighting for supporters to represent their parties and is not representative of the American population.
First world problems.
We live in a world of ‘do as I say, not as I do.’
One party wants to raise taxesto fund programs while the other believes there are plenty of tax dollars for whatthey care about.
Lobbyists pad the pockets of both parties as ourtax dollars are astronomically wasted with little effort to fix.
We have a financially irresponsible government and weface ongoing tax increases, yet there are plenty of sources they aren’t collecting from.
Did I say lobbyists earlier?
Global warming enthusiasts fly around on private jets and contribute as much, or more, to the carbon footprint they shame others for denying or even caring about. Do nothing or deny, neither contribute to the solution, just make sure to throw your aluminum in the blue bin, okay?
Some people perfectly understand the second amendment, but twist the first amendment to accommodate their own selfish interpretation. Mostly, this affects other people more than it affects themselves.
The people who want to do away with the second amendment altogether, expect literal compliance with the first amendment, while their gun carrying bodyguards protect them.
Neither are willing to negotiate because any mention of being responsible is an all or nothing argument.
People waving the flag of ‘family values’ get exposed for infidelity, adultery, or same-sex shenanigans. They’d rather risk keeping a secret and destroy the family they value so much than deal with their own unhappiness.
Self proclaimed pro-life loyalists only care about the moment a sperm penetrates an egg, but do nothing for the life the embryo eventually lives.
People who identify as ‘pro-choice’ don’t often approve of people who choose to think differently.
The party ruling the executive branch of our government cannot gain the population’s confidence to simultaneously rule the legislative branch, thereby causing an endless stalemate, all while we foot the bill. These are our leaders.
The stuff that gets done becomes campaign fodder for the next election cycle to undo.
States start their own controversies that require intervention from the judicial branch of our federal government.
Both sides have taken notes on the legal acrobatics of defining what the word ‘is,’ is.
It used to be obvious when a headline was from The Onion or an actual news source.
Polarizing hypocrisy is more common than bullet holes in this country.
We are better than that.
Baby steps.
Today’s parties are two different degrees of unappealing with two fundamentally different strategies.
Power, greed, corruption, hypocrisy, narcissism, and complete disrespect have beat the living crap out of politics and have filtered down to how we act toward one another. They pander to us for our votes enough to not disturb the base.
That doesn’t mean don’t vote, if even reluctantly.
New leaders with new ideas and unifying messages will emerge if we are willing to accept them.
The climatein America has changed. Unusually high temperatures have caused a dense pocket of hot air to become the country’s very first Trumpnado.
Unpredictable winds and shrapnel fly out of this thing so randomly, you’re best to avoid it altogether. Unless, of course, you’re a storm chaser.
It’s on a path of special destruction causing a wake of WTF at every turn.
The Trumpnado will dissolve sometime after it jumps the Sharknado.
That moment could be this week. Some would argue it already happened.
The GOP got Trump’d!
If I had to pick one thing I like about Donald Trump it would be Celebrity Apprentice. I hope he does more Celebrity Apprentice when he’s done with this circus.
When I first heard Trump was running for president, I thought it was a joke. Then, I watched the first Republican debate and it clicked. He’s sabotaging the GOP. That party got Trump’d.
During the first debate, he was the only candidate who would not commit to supporting someone else as the nominee, hinting that he could run as an Independent. Plus, did that fight with Megyn Kelly during the first debate make any sense? Remember when he asked her if she was bleeding?
He later stated he would support another nominee. Honestly though, would it surprise anyone if he flipped on that?
Trumpnado Warning!
Since hitting the campaign trail, Trump’s statements and stances are petulant and arrogant.
His words have been increasingly aggressive and disturbing and the media is having a hay day re-posting and re-tweeting and regurgitating everything this man says.
He’s attracting disturbing personalities like flypaper.
It’s like the Twilight Zone.
He’s acting so far the opposite of presidential, it’s embarrassing that he’s actually leadingthe Republican polls.
However, that could be the point he’s intended all along.
He’s erratic, unpredictable, unfiltered, and getting worse by the day. He’s effectively not electable.
It’s getting so bad, it makes perfect sense. Even Fox News contributors today were discussing how he’s gone off the rails and becoming a problem for the GOP.
Intended or not, he’s helping the Democrats and the other candidates have caught on.
I believe he’s always intended to run as an Independent to ensure a Republican loss. His campaign is straight out of Team America: World Police, “America! Fuck Yeah!”
It would be funny if our president had this in Las Vegas. Photo Source: TripAdvisor
He will steal millions of votes from the Republican nominee while ensuring a bigger blue turnout.
Trump is being so blatantly and believably stupid right now, but he’s not a stupid man.
I predict record ratings for the next installment of the Celebrity Apprentice. The good news for Trump is his current haters will forgive him and he won’t have to take a huge pay cut to play in the Oval Office.
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