Has Trumpnado Jumped the Sharknado?

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The climate in America has changed. Unusually high temperatures have caused a dense pocket of hot air to become the country’s very first Trumpnado.

Unpredictable winds and shrapnel fly out of this thing so randomly, you’re best to avoid it altogether. Unless, of course, you’re a storm chaser.

It’s on a path of special destruction causing a wake of WTF at every turn.

The Trumpnado will dissolve sometime after it jumps the Sharknado.

That moment could be this week. Some would argue it already happened.

The GOP got Trump’d!

If I had to pick one thing I like about Donald Trump it would be Celebrity Apprentice. I hope he does more Celebrity Apprentice when he’s done with this circus.

When I first heard Trump was running for president, I thought it was a joke. Then, I watched the first Republican debate and it clicked. He’s sabotaging the GOP. That party got Trump’d.

During the first debate, he was the only candidate who would not commit to supporting someone else as the nominee, hinting that he could run as an Independent. Plus, did that fight with Megyn Kelly during the first debate make any sense? Remember when he asked her if she was bleeding?

He later stated he would support another nominee. Honestly though, would it surprise anyone if he flipped on that?

Trumpnado Warning!

Since hitting the campaign trail, Trump’s statements and stances are petulant and arrogant.

His words have been increasingly aggressive and disturbing and the media is having a hay day re-posting and re-tweeting and regurgitating everything this man says.

He’s attracting disturbing personalities like flypaper.

It’s like the Twilight Zone.

He’s acting so far the opposite of presidential, it’s embarrassing that he’s actually leading the Republican polls.

However, that could be the point he’s intended all along.

He’s erratic, unpredictable, unfiltered, and getting worse by the day. He’s effectively not electable.

It’s getting so bad, it makes perfect sense. Even Fox News contributors today were discussing how he’s gone off the rails and becoming a problem for the GOP.

Intended or not, he’s helping the Democrats and the other candidates have caught on.

I believe he’s always intended to run as an Independent to ensure a Republican loss. His campaign is straight out of Team America: World Police, “America! Fuck Yeah!”

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It would be funny if our president had this in Las Vegas. Photo Source: TripAdvisor

He will steal millions of votes from the Republican nominee while ensuring a bigger blue turnout.

Trump is being so blatantly and believably stupid right now, but he’s not a stupid man.

I predict record ratings for the next installment of the Celebrity Apprentice. The good news for Trump is his current haters will forgive him and he won’t have to take a huge pay cut to play in the Oval Office.

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I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling ’92

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I love the United States and I love our freedom.

Despite whichever individual stances we hold dear, anyone can make a fantastic life for themselves by the people they choose to be in it.

Guess what? Being a Republican or Democrat has nothing to do with it.

In the US, we have a gift to experience things so many people on this planet don’t have a prayer to make happen. We owe it to ourselves to be better than we are today.

On November 8, 2016, the United States will elect its 45th president.

Until then, candidates campaign for nominations and, though nothing’s official, the menu resembles ’92 with subtle differences.

In ’92, Bush senior was the incumbent president, but he wasn’t reelected. Today’s Bush probably won’t win the Republican nomination, but if the 2000 election taught us anything, Bush’s don’t need the popular vote. He’s a lifelong politician.

In ’92, Bill Clinton, a Democrat, ended the right’s 12-year-reign. Today’s Clinton, if elected, will probably ban blue dresses in the Oval Office. Intern jokes and talk of impeachment would be fodder throughout her tenure. She’s a lifelong politician.

In ’92, a wealthy mogul (Perot) caused a stir as an Independent earning over 19 million votes (18%) in a pre-social media, but equally frustrated, world.

Today’s wealthy mogul (Trump) hinted at running regardless of whether or not he’s the Republican nominee, but later said he wouldn’t. The polls today say he doesn’t have to. He doesn’t have a lifetime of practiced politics. He speaks his mind and dominates the headlines. So far, it’s working.

The remaining contenders are dwindling. Others have passionate supporters, but only time will tell which ones matter.

Across-the-aisle support is vague, at best, to ensure their bases show up on election day; anything more is chum for bloodthirsty cannibals.

The parties will nominate their most electable option, which may or may not be their best candidate.

Meanwhile, social media feeds and news sources are jammed with headlines and shared stories by impassioned supporters yelling as loud as CAPS LOCK and extra punctuation convey.

By election day, we’re over-saturated, over-sensitive, and over the entire battle.

Free speech is exhausting!

Swing states will elect the president they dislike the least, keeping us on the party pendulum swinging between red and blue. In ’92, Democrats scored 8 years. In ’00, Republicans scored 8 years. In ’08, Democrats scored 8 years.

The score in years since ’92 – Democrats 16, Republicans 8. Now that I think about it, it’s clear why some people are falling apart right now.

Bullets and Bombs Affect Us All Equally 

In ’92, we had recently ended a war in the Middle East, but the region remained in turmoil. Fast forward 23 years – same shit, different day.

In ’92, the threat of domestic terrorism loomed, evidenced by the first attack on the World Trade Center. Only 37 days after President Clinton took office in ’93, a bomb exploded underneath the North Tower. Miraculously, only six people died.

On September 11, 2001, less than a year into President Bush’s first term, terrorists killed nearly 3,000 people before breakfast on the west coast.

Just last week, 14 people died in an attack in California. The debate has turned into whether or not it was ISIS-sponsored, or ISIS-supported.

Meanwhile, all mass shootings are politicized. People are more interested in who’s pulling the trigger than the trigger being pulled because that’s the litmus test for whether or not we collectively call it terrorism.

Call me crazy, but if anyone pulls out an assault rifle and starts mowing people down in my presence, I’ll be fucking terrified regardless of which religion they don’t understand.

What color was the shooter? Did the shooter have an accent? Was the shooter foreign? Somebody please tell me how I should feel! I need to know for other arguments!

The second amendment was written in the late 1700’s and ‘arms’ were significantly different.

The Pendulum Between Red and Blue

Party names are exactly that – names.

Abraham Lincoln, our 16th president, was technically our first Republican president. He fought and won our Civil War and slavery was abolished.

A Democrat was the president of the Confederate States of America that seceded and fought to keep slavery. Oddly, those are predominantly red states today and any support of the Confederate flag is linked to the right.

If you asked me at that time which party I supported, I would have not hesitated to wave the flag of a proud Republican. I don’t like voting on single issues, but slavery is pretty cut and dry to me.

Today, however, the parties are confusing. Clearly, things have changed. Today’s Republicans seem like Civil War Democrats. Parties can call themselves whatever they want, they both need overhauls.

Power, greed, corruption, hypocrisy, narcissism, and complete disrespect have beat the living crap out of politics. Knitting needles have put more religion than the constitution permits into the fabric of our nation.

Like guns, religion isn’t bad. Some bad people conceal and carry religion.

I feel manipulated, not supported.

We’d rather shame and vilify one another than make any concessions on or evolve our stances. 

Politocrisy is my new word. That’s what I’m blaming for disinterest in our election process.

Voter turnout for president moves around 50-55%. There’s no excuse for nearly half of the eligible voters in this country to forego their vote.

We’re all in this together so we better all be involved.

Politics are played on a tennis court and the players need to restring their rackets.

I feel like we’re in a pre-Civil War society. That’s why nobody wants to even hear the words gun control. What are people preparing for? We better figure it out fast, because the rhetoric I’m seeing does not make sense to me.

That’s the real terrorism we are ignoring. It’s not about them killing as many soft targets as possible. That’s the pre-show. It’s about us killing ourselves, and it’s working.

For the record, I support the second amendment. I’m from Alaska, what did you expect? However, all the guns I’ve ever been around were for hunting or general protection in the Alaskan outdoors.

I don’t believe guns will ever be banned in the US. Nothing covered in the constitution should be illegal. That doesn’t mean we can’t be more responsible with our rights.

The petulance from the polarized bases is extremely off putting.

We need a party of leaders to put together an agreeable platform with the necessary concessions for a passionate majority.

Until then, we’ll see which way the swing states direct or redirect the pendulum.

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What a Difference a Word Makes

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I was officially banned from a Facebook page today – and called a troll!

Both were firsts for me.

The silly thing is, I agreed with the story on the page and many sentiments expressed in comments, but its followers misunderstood what I posted.

Suddenly, I offended everyone due to a careless, unintentional oversight I didn’t even consider until it was too late.

An overzealous, emotional group misunderstood what I was trying to say and saw me as their enemy. The page admin stepped in, called me a troll, and I was banned without a chance to explain myself.

I saw enough reactions to I understand how my comment went completely off track; all because of one word.

Did I say I agreed with the story and the general sentiments of the page’s community?

The article was about the Colorado Springs shooting at a Planned Parenthood location which left two civilians and a police officer dead. Nine others were injured, including a personal friend’s husband.

The article pointed out unnerving examples of support on social media from extreme ‘pro-life’ Christians praising the shooter, saying the victims deserved to be shot – a disgusting sentiment.

Let me be clear. I don’t agree with that. 

Anyone who knows me, reading this right now, is thinking to themselves, “What the hell?”

I stepped on a social media mine.

The point I was trying to make was the hypocrisy of people who aren’t outraged by the shooting in Colorado are the same people who were outraged when the graphic appeared of Sarah Palin in rifle crosshairs, except Palin wasn’t shot.

Simple, right? Not really.

I didn’t end my statement saying Palin wasn’t shot. I said nobody was shot because that particular graphic didn’t lead to anyone being shot.  

However, there was a crosshairs graphic that did; a graphic that surfaced before the one I was talking about.

What I didn’t address (and certainly wasn’t referring to) was a separate, but related, earlier graphic produced by Sarah Palin’s Political Action Committee (SarahPAC) containing a picture of House Representative Gabrielle Giffords in crosshairs who, subsequently, survived an assassination attempt when she was shot in the head on January 8, 2011.

The followers of this site thought I was referring to SarahPAC’s graphic and intentionally being an internet troll, stoking emotion because, you know, I have nothing better to do.

Yeah, no. Those people are out there, but I’m not one of them. It makes me sick to think anyone thought that was my intent.

The intricacies of the issues affecting us today are deep, and emotions are running higher than ever, no matter what side you take.

Mistake or not, once a group bands together, only perception matters.

My mistakes were pointing out hypocrisy only referencing one easily confused detail of a much larger incident, and forgetting how easily I could be misunderstood. Oops.

Communicating with strangers through social media, even ones with whom you agree, is risky business, and it’s easy to stumble.

The specific page isn’t important. I submitted an apology through the group’s main website and explained the mix-up, but I haven’t heard from them. The admin was much more quick earlier today.

 

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‘Bad Blood’ – A Story of Perspective

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We unite with hashtags. We fight with hashtags. We beg for help with hashtags.

It takes a tragedy like Paris for us to see a wave of humanity. Then, we return to divisive behavior preventing us from learning about, or liking, each other.

Technology evolves quicker than our ability to communicate. We read headlines and share them blindly. Online coverage of anything can be spun 50 ways, but our lives shouldn’t be.

This story is an example of how easily we lose perspective. Satire and sarcasm are shared and people believe it’s real. Non-issues become issues overnight. Trolls and stubborn stances ignite vitriol.

We need to treat each other better, and it starts with us.

Pop lore says Bad Blood is Taylor Swift’s betrayal-anthem to Katy Perry. I think a dancer is involved, possibly a boyfriend. However, this isn’t about them.

This is about my (hypothetical) former friendship with the most coveted BFF in the world.

The first time I heard Bad Blood, I knew it was about me. I obviously hurt Taylor and I’m on a mission to apologize. I saw all her popular friends in the video and that hurt real bad. I mean I have tits too, I could have been a bad girl supporting a revenge metaphor!

Here’s the situation.

Taylor won’t answer my calls, and text apologies are lame; I’m laying it out so we can move on. Besides, there’s nothing more sincere than a public apology, especially, when that’s where the fighting takes place.

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I caused this, not Katy. Bullet holes is a little dramatic, but who am I to argue. She didn’t like what I said.

The title says it all. Bad is bad and seeing blood isn’t good – let that sink in for a second. Now, think about Katy Perry believing that was about her. It’s been a lot for me to carry and my back is starting to curve.

I always intended to apologize but, like Taylor, I’m a giver and I wanted to send the perfect gift with my apology. But, what do you give someone whose other best friend is Hot and Cold who kissed a girl and liked it? I am a boy, after all.

I was watching Dance Moms when the bulb lit. If it were a dancer, it would kicked me in the head.

Create a reality show for Taylor!

I’m waiting for Taylor to name the show since it’s her show, and I don’t need another song written about me.

The show is about a dancer and Paula Abdul is the choreographer. Paula was at the height of her music career in ’89 when the world received Taylor – it’s poetic.

The show is in Vegas – every dancer’s wildest dream!

Taylor is mama bird and she nurtures baby bird – a dancer discovered on Instagram – resulting in baby bird signing a Vegas contract without any drama!

Friends
Can we see this again? Credit: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

My wildest dream is for baby bird to land on Katy’s very own Vegas stage and perform an interpretive dance to Roar.

Imagine Taylor in the front row while she and Katy crinkle their noses and paw at each other all cute like!

This will prove their blood is, in fact, good and she never expected any contract dancer (or boyfriend) to be loyal.

Lofty goals, right? I best get to apologizing.

The reason I didn’t name Taylor’s show (I’m thinking The Bird Nurturer) is because naming things caused our falling out. Taylor names everything. She names her songs. She names her cats. She probably names her fans’ cats. I think there’s a hashtag for that.

CatNose
Kats or Cats? I can’t wait for Taylor to unite Katy’s fans for her!

I even suggested she choose whether Katy’s fans are Kats or Cats. Bring a litter box for that shit storm! Fans of pop stars are a protective bunch, even with infighting.

Even more protective are pop starts, themselves, when it comes to what they call their fans.

Our turmoil began when I told Taylor I thought she should call her fans The Swizzle Sticks with the hashtag #tswizzlesticks to unite their online musings. I told her I thought her name should be Mother Swizzle Sticks because she is like their mother.

Her face went blank space. Never question an accomplished artist’s creativity and definitely lay off their fans. Role models with millions of underage fans won’t refer to them as drink accessories.

She accused me of trying to turn parents against her by encouraging underage drinking. She reminded me she’s a role model. Then, she asked me, persistently, if I knew what she was and wouldn’t relent until I screamed, “Role model!”

She accused me of talking to Katy because pop star espionage is real.

The damage was done. Trust flew out the window like a baby bird.

She told me it was so sad to think about the good times she and I had, but now we got problems.

I asked her, can we solve them? She said she didn’t think we could.

I asked her, do we still have mad love? She said we used to.

That’s a no. I hope we can put this behind us; we were so good together.

In addition to her show (hopefully called The Bird Nurturer), I created a new app because she needs more cash. It’s called Pocket Squad.

LordeNTaylorYour squad walks around your screen while you control everything about them. It’s perfect for members of squads. You can make them get eaten by a shark or pace back and forth all day. You can make birds poop on them or strike them with lightning. They can live on a beach or jungle. It’s your squad!

Basically, it’s what you wish you could do to your real life squad.

Taylor, I’m sorry. Call your fans whatever you want. Come on, old friend – I miss our mad love! #think-about-the-good-times-you-and-i-had!

It shouldn’t take a coordinated attack to remind us the hostility among ourselves is senseless.

I hope we can learn to keep perspective without the harsh reminders.

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Old as Dirt & Under the Knife

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MarcoPreOp2
Marco’s Tumor September, 2014: Age 12

It’s been 11 days since Marco’s surgery and I’m happy to report that it was a success.

He’s officially 14-years-old and recovering like a champ.

I don’t know why I’m surprised, but I am. Pleasantly.

I was a little let down that the tumor, as big as it was, only weighed four pounds. I had the number 15 in my head, but I suppose it wasn’t as dense as a kettlebell.

It put perspective on the ratio of fat mass to weight for me. The good news is that it was four pounds. That means I only have a good 20 to lose, not 75. Even still, that will take more than a scalpel, anesthesia, thread, and a free afternoon. I digress. Marco’s tumor is gone and I simply need to do more cardio. Dammit.

MarcoPreOp
Marco’s Tumor August, 2015: Age 13

Removing the tumor was the main procedure. He also had two small cysts removed. One was near his eye and the other was lodged between two toes on his back paw. The toes had to be sewn together upon removal. Yes, this puppy has lumps for days.

You should have seen Denver. We actually called him Lumpy.

We picked Marco up the day after surgery and the poor thing looked messier than I ever have.

He had a discharge drain coming out of his main wound which was held together by what looked like a 7-inch stitched zipper. His eye had stitches and his back paw was in a cast. You could hear his odd clomp well before you could see him.

After what had to be a confusing 30 hours, he had an infectious amount of anxiety. All I could think about was how the medication better calm this old dog down.

MarcoJuiceThe vet reviewed the important stuff – empty the drain, apply compresses, medication, restrict movement, and constant monitoring. They lost me at ‘confine him to a small space.’

“The pain meds will make him sleep, right?” I asked.

“They should.”

No problem.

Of course, they gave us one of those lampshade cones. Does anyone really use those? I used one, one time, with Denver. I’m not sure that even qualifies as use. I’ve held planks longer than that thing stayed on.

Some breeds might do alright with cones. Not Weimaraners.

MarcoTalonsBack at the Pad – The first night back was a breeze! Either Marco was high or simply tired from being stressed. Bottom line, he slept.

The next morning, Marco’s drain tube disconnected. I only emptied it three times before it slid out. Within 24 hours, Marco was back at the hospital. No, the cone wouldn’t have helped.

Turns out, they couldn’t replace the drain without cutting him open again so they left it out and it was no big deal.

I slept with Marco on the couch for the next week. He’s a cuddle freak.

He was on a cycle. Food, pills, randomly walking around, and sleeping. Occasional potty break. Repeat. Perfect. And, he likes the same shows I do. Imagine that. Soulmates.

MarcoPostOpNurseTomorrow he gets all his stitches out and the cast removed. That’s good because I’m running out of wool socks to muffle the noise.

If my math is right, he’s almost 100. 12 years is the average life expectancy of a Weimaraner. Denver was 12. Marco is a trooper.

I’m not sure he knows what happened, but he looks more comfortable. I believe we made the right decision.

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