‘Bad Blood’ – A Story of Perspective

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We unite with hashtags. We fight with hashtags. We beg for help with hashtags.

It takes a tragedy like Paris for us to see a wave of humanity. Then, we return to divisive behavior preventing us from learning about, or liking, each other.

Technology evolves quicker than our ability to communicate. We read headlines and share them blindly. Online coverage of anything can be spun 50 ways, but our lives shouldn’t be.

This story is an example of how easily we lose perspective. Satire and sarcasm are shared and people believe it’s real. Non-issues become issues overnight. Trolls and stubborn stances ignite vitriol.

We need to treat each other better, and it starts with us.

Pop lore says Bad Blood is Taylor Swift’s betrayal-anthem to Katy Perry. I think a dancer is involved, possibly a boyfriend. However, this isn’t about them.

This is about my (hypothetical) former friendship with the most coveted BFF in the world.

The first time I heard Bad Blood, I knew it was about me. I obviously hurt Taylor and I’m on a mission to apologize. I saw all her popular friends in the video and that hurt real bad. I mean I have tits too, I could have been a bad girl supporting a revenge metaphor!

Here’s the situation.

Taylor won’t answer my calls, and text apologies are lame; I’m laying it out so we can move on. Besides, there’s nothing more sincere than a public apology, especially, when that’s where the fighting takes place.

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I caused this, not Katy. Bullet holes is a little dramatic, but who am I to argue. She didn’t like what I said.

The title says it all. Bad is bad and seeing blood isn’t good – let that sink in for a second. Now, think about Katy Perry believing that was about her. It’s been a lot for me to carry and my back is starting to curve.

I always intended to apologize but, like Taylor, I’m a giver and I wanted to send the perfect gift with my apology. But, what do you give someone whose other best friend is Hot and Cold who kissed a girl and liked it? I am a boy, after all.

I was watching Dance Moms when the bulb lit. If it were a dancer, it would kicked me in the head.

Create a reality show for Taylor!

I’m waiting for Taylor to name the show since it’s her show, and I don’t need another song written about me.

The show is about a dancer and Paula Abdul is the choreographer. Paula was at the height of her music career in ’89 when the world received Taylor – it’s poetic.

The show is in Vegas – every dancer’s wildest dream!

Taylor is mama bird and she nurtures baby bird – a dancer discovered on Instagram – resulting in baby bird signing a Vegas contract without any drama!

Friends
Can we see this again? Credit: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

My wildest dream is for baby bird to land on Katy’s very own Vegas stage and perform an interpretive dance to Roar.

Imagine Taylor in the front row while she and Katy crinkle their noses and paw at each other all cute like!

This will prove their blood is, in fact, good and she never expected any contract dancer (or boyfriend) to be loyal.

Lofty goals, right? I best get to apologizing.

The reason I didn’t name Taylor’s show (I’m thinking The Bird Nurturer) is because naming things caused our falling out. Taylor names everything. She names her songs. She names her cats. She probably names her fans’ cats. I think there’s a hashtag for that.

CatNose
Kats or Cats? I can’t wait for Taylor to unite Katy’s fans for her!

I even suggested she choose whether Katy’s fans are Kats or Cats. Bring a litter box for that shit storm! Fans of pop stars are a protective bunch, even with infighting.

Even more protective are pop starts, themselves, when it comes to what they call their fans.

Our turmoil began when I told Taylor I thought she should call her fans The Swizzle Sticks with the hashtag #tswizzlesticks to unite their online musings. I told her I thought her name should be Mother Swizzle Sticks because she is like their mother.

Her face went blank space. Never question an accomplished artist’s creativity and definitely lay off their fans. Role models with millions of underage fans won’t refer to them as drink accessories.

She accused me of trying to turn parents against her by encouraging underage drinking. She reminded me she’s a role model. Then, she asked me, persistently, if I knew what she was and wouldn’t relent until I screamed, “Role model!”

She accused me of talking to Katy because pop star espionage is real.

The damage was done. Trust flew out the window like a baby bird.

She told me it was so sad to think about the good times she and I had, but now we got problems.

I asked her, can we solve them? She said she didn’t think we could.

I asked her, do we still have mad love? She said we used to.

That’s a no. I hope we can put this behind us; we were so good together.

In addition to her show (hopefully called The Bird Nurturer), I created a new app because she needs more cash. It’s called Pocket Squad.

LordeNTaylorYour squad walks around your screen while you control everything about them. It’s perfect for members of squads. You can make them get eaten by a shark or pace back and forth all day. You can make birds poop on them or strike them with lightning. They can live on a beach or jungle. It’s your squad!

Basically, it’s what you wish you could do to your real life squad.

Taylor, I’m sorry. Call your fans whatever you want. Come on, old friend – I miss our mad love! #think-about-the-good-times-you-and-i-had!

It shouldn’t take a coordinated attack to remind us the hostility among ourselves is senseless.

I hope we can learn to keep perspective without the harsh reminders.

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Old as Dirt & Under the Knife

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MarcoPreOp2
Marco’s Tumor September, 2014: Age 12

It’s been 11 days since Marco’s surgery and I’m happy to report that it was a success.

He’s officially 14-years-old and recovering like a champ.

I don’t know why I’m surprised, but I am. Pleasantly.

I was a little let down that the tumor, as big as it was, only weighed four pounds. I had the number 15 in my head, but I suppose it wasn’t as dense as a kettlebell.

It put perspective on the ratio of fat mass to weight for me. The good news is that it was four pounds. That means I only have a good 20 to lose, not 75. Even still, that will take more than a scalpel, anesthesia, thread, and a free afternoon. I digress. Marco’s tumor is gone and I simply need to do more cardio. Dammit.

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Marco’s Tumor August, 2015: Age 13

Removing the tumor was the main procedure. He also had two small cysts removed. One was near his eye and the other was lodged between two toes on his back paw. The toes had to be sewn together upon removal. Yes, this puppy has lumps for days.

You should have seen Denver. We actually called him Lumpy.

We picked Marco up the day after surgery and the poor thing looked messier than I ever have.

He had a discharge drain coming out of his main wound which was held together by what looked like a 7-inch stitched zipper. His eye had stitches and his back paw was in a cast. You could hear his odd clomp well before you could see him.

After what had to be a confusing 30 hours, he had an infectious amount of anxiety. All I could think about was how the medication better calm this old dog down.

MarcoJuiceThe vet reviewed the important stuff – empty the drain, apply compresses, medication, restrict movement, and constant monitoring. They lost me at ‘confine him to a small space.’

“The pain meds will make him sleep, right?” I asked.

“They should.”

No problem.

Of course, they gave us one of those lampshade cones. Does anyone really use those? I used one, one time, with Denver. I’m not sure that even qualifies as use. I’ve held planks longer than that thing stayed on.

Some breeds might do alright with cones. Not Weimaraners.

MarcoTalonsBack at the Pad – The first night back was a breeze! Either Marco was high or simply tired from being stressed. Bottom line, he slept.

The next morning, Marco’s drain tube disconnected. I only emptied it three times before it slid out. Within 24 hours, Marco was back at the hospital. No, the cone wouldn’t have helped.

Turns out, they couldn’t replace the drain without cutting him open again so they left it out and it was no big deal.

I slept with Marco on the couch for the next week. He’s a cuddle freak.

He was on a cycle. Food, pills, randomly walking around, and sleeping. Occasional potty break. Repeat. Perfect. And, he likes the same shows I do. Imagine that. Soulmates.

MarcoPostOpNurseTomorrow he gets all his stitches out and the cast removed. That’s good because I’m running out of wool socks to muffle the noise.

If my math is right, he’s almost 100. 12 years is the average life expectancy of a Weimaraner. Denver was 12. Marco is a trooper.

I’m not sure he knows what happened, but he looks more comfortable. I believe we made the right decision.

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When is Surgery Right for a Dog?

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Our pets are family. They bring enormous joy and unconditional love to our lives. In turn, we provide them with the happiest, most comfortable life possible. That’s our responsibility.

Caring for our pets isn’t always easy. We rely on veterinarians if unexpected conditions merge. If surgery becomes an option, our vets lay out the risks and reasonably expected outcomes.

With no guarantees, it often boils down to this: do what you think is best for your best friend. When risk is your best option, proceed with caution.

We considered surgery before. Our first dog had a brain tumor which caused him to have seizures. Now, our second dog has a tumor on his chest that won’t stop growing. It’s as big as half a basketball.

Here are their stories.

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Denver

Meet the pups – In July 1999, Denver entered and forever changed our lives. His favorite thing to do was bring back whatever you threw, unless it was edible.

In December 2001, we called the same breeder to ask about a future litter. She said a litter arrived seven weeks earlier and the puppies were available now. Same parents.

We lived in Milwaukee at the time. A Wisconsin winter in a building with the slowest elevator known to man isn’t optimal for potty training. It was too cold and too quick. We decided against it.

Two days later, the phone rang. It was the breeder. Denver’s mom was hit by a car and died. This was the last litter. We picked Marco up the next day.

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Marco

Denver was the athlete and Marco was the puppy. Denver fetched while Marco walked around. Denver fearlessly swam; Marco waited on shore. For 10 years, Marco followed Denver everywhere.

Something’s wrong with Denver – In 2009, Denver began waking up at night. He would sit upright, slightly twitch, and then go back to sleep. The episodes were short and subtle, but not unnoticed.

Within a few weeks, he had his first grand mal seizure.

Seeing a dog have a seizure is scary and heartbreaking. Once the seizure starts, all you can do is make sure they aren’t knocking into walls or furniture until it’s over. You feel helpless.

Our vet told us that Denver’s seizures were likely due to a brain tumor. Of course, we had a million questions. Naturally, we asked about removal. How common was this? Was she sure it was a brain tumor? Is he going to die?

DenverDuo
Denver

There was a lot to learn, but treatment can go two ways: medication or removal.

She prescribed phenobarbital in an effort to prevent the seizures while we discussed surgery. Within weeks, he had another seizure. More followed. The phenobarbital wasn’t working by itself.

The seizures I witnessed always occurred after midnight. He fell off the bed and hit the floor, convulsing violently. His eyes stayed open with a blank stare while chomping his jaw and foaming at the mouth. Sometimes he peed.

The seizures lasted about a minute. Then he laid still, breathing quickly, with his tongue out. He wouldn’t respond to touch or voice. He would only blink when he began to regain consciousness.

We returned to the vet and told her we wanted an MRI, which was the next step to move forward with surgery.

Meanwhile, prednisone was added to his daily cocktail.

Denver was 10 when the MRI confirmed what we were already told. Now, we knew the size and position of the tumor. They estimated that he had about six months to live if the tumor kept growing. The meds were an attempt to combat swelling and growth.

We scheduled an appointment with the surgeon, but we couldn’t get in immediately. During the next couple weeks, Denver responded positively to the prednisone. Experiencing fewer seizures helped change our conversation.

No surgery for Denver – Emotions are hard, if not impossible, to separate when making difficult decisions concerning your pet.

We determined the surgery was too invasive. He was too old. As it were, he had six months left whereas he might not survive the procedure. The prednisone worked well enough to get us away from the ledge.

Six months passed. By then, Denver’s seizures were often a month apart. We adjusted his meds, as needed, over the next year.

By spring 2011, 18 months after his diagnosis, the side effects of prednisone couldn’t be ignored. His attitude changed. He began peeing inside regularly. He was always thirsty and his hunger was endless.

He ate tissues and toilet paper at every opportunity. We’d find rolls of toilet paper that looked like apple cores. He ripped the dispensers out of the drywall in both bathrooms. He destroyed other things looking for food.

Who was this dog? He wasn’t the same. He looked uncomfortable and scared, almost as if he weren’t in control.

We decided to wean him off prednisone.

Although his attitude improved, the seizures returned. They became more frequent and worse. His recovery was longer. After regaining consciousness, he had a new phase that lasted up to 30 minutes. He couldn’t hear and I’m not convinced he could see. He was turbo charged and ran into walls and got tangled up in cords. He broke things.

I remember grabbing his head and staring into his eyes and yelling, “Denver, Denver, Denver!” trying to get some type of response from his vacant eyes.

Nothing.

I let him go and he’d roam room to room as I listened to him bump into walls and knock things over at 3:30 a.m. It was clear that we had yet to make the hardest decision.

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Denver – August 30, 2011

Farewell, old friend – Denver had really good days, but he was on his way down. Our vet knew Denver his entire life. She assured us it was okay to let him go on a high note. We scheduled his euthanasia for five days later.

During his last days, my ex moved back in and we celebrated Denver’s life. We did all the things Denver loved. He ate like a king. The morning of the appointment, he acted like any other day the past 12 years. It was hard to not change our mind.

He was 12. He never had another seizure. He is in a better place. August 31 will always be Denver Day.

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Marco; right photo by Jeff Brezovar

Marco solo – Marco mourned for two weeks following Denver’s passing. Life, as he knew it, always included Denver.

Marco turned 10 that year. Although he never developed a brain tumor, he began developing a different tumor. It’s become a problem.

The tumor – The fatty tumor started growing between Marco’s chest and left front leg shortly after Denver’s passing. It looked like a single breast implant. By the time we moved to Arizona in 2013, it had grown to the size of a grapefruit. Marco was 12.

At that time, the aesthetic of the tumor was its worst quality. It didn’t affect his movement or mobility. Surgery seemed like a stupid risk, especially at his age. The question became, how much and how fast will it grow?

Honestly, I don’t think we expected Marco to last a year in Arizona.

Today, however, I’m pleased to report that Marco is healthy. He’s full of energy and still acts like a puppy. He will be 14 next month.

The tumor, however, continues to grow. It has more than doubled in size. Marco’s limping more. It’s bulky. He looks so uncomfortable carrying it.

Even strangers are taken aback at its size. Their greetings have gone from “Oh, what’s that?” to “Whoa! That’s huge!” Now, they express sympathy.

What would Joan Rivers do? – I’m kidding, we all know what she would do. Joking aside, that’s exactly why I’m scared. The other day, for the first time, the vet said we should have the surgery.

The procedure sounds straightforward. The biggest problem is the location of the wound. Recovery will be a little more difficult.

Is surgery worth the risk at 14? Will that give Marco the happiest, most comfortable life? 14 is old for a Weimaraner. The tumor will continue to grow. Which option doesn’t shorten his life? I wish I knew.

We have an appointment scheduled for another opinion. I’ll let you know what happens.

UPDATE: The second opinion was with the surgeon who would perform the procedure. Marco’s in great health. He’s scheduled to undergo testing on Halloween – in two days. He’s taking his Frankenstein costume seriously this year. Pending successful tests, he will have the tumor removed that day. Stay tuned.

 

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You’re Something, but You’re not Old

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When someone says “I’m old,” it probably wasn’t a question. Whether or not they say it in jest, it needs to stop.

YouDontLookOldI’m 41. I’m a fairly social guy. My friends range in age from their 20’s through 60’s. Randomly, they’ve said it.

I don’t want to hear it anymore. You’re not old!

Life expectancy reached 50 about 115 years ago. Today, it’s about 80, but people can live into and past their 90’s.

If you think you’re old long enough, you’ll begin to believe it. You’ll grow old, thinking you’re old, while you’re not old. Depressing, right?

We need to think better of ourselves a little bit longer. What do people really mean when saying “I’m old”?

“Tired” – After 18, you’re an adult for the rest of your life. It’s called growing up. Responsibilities are exhausting, but they don’t make you old.

TiredEstablishing credibility in what you do takes time and energy. Sacrifices will be made. Everything you do in life becomes a matter of priority. You’re not old, you’re tired.

“Lazy” – Excuses! You just don’t want to do anything! You want to sit on the couch while your body fuses to it. Have you seen What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? I don’t want to spoil it, but an extremely large character dies. Her house becomes her crematory. There was no getting her out. It’s actually a really sad story and Leonardo DiCaprio was amazing in it.

Also, don’t blame age for your lack of knowledge. Technology, for example, makes people feel left behind. Nobody is excused from the school of life. Things change. Your brain still works. Learn. My brother is 19 and his favorite hobby is knitting. I’m serious! He’s probably better at being old than you. You’re not old, you’re lazy.

“Vain” – Recently, I had a conversation with a friend in her early 30’s. She said she was old four times. I assured her she wasn’t, and that’s why people say it. People don’t mean it, they just want you to tell them differently. Stop it. You’re not old, you’re vain.

PickOne“Unhealthy” – You cannot eat like you did through puberty. You need to find a calorie-in/calorie-out balance. The consequences of consuming desserts frequently when you’re 24 aren’t due to age. You’re not old, you’re unhealthy.

We’re programmed to joke about age between friends. It’s predictable humor, appropriate for birthdays, and only fake-laugh funny. Thank the birthday card industry. Do they even make age joke cards for truly old people? Like, “Whoa bitch! I can’t even with those tits! You’re 90, you should be dead! Here’s a shovel and graveyard plot!” I think that was on a card given to me when I turned 30.

Fact is, we can all learn from each other. There’s nothing wrong with growing up or getting older. It’s reality! Embrace it. It happens to everybody if they’re lucky. Inspire people younger than you. So what if you have a new appreciation for the value of your time. Kick back on that couch you can now afford along with on demand entertainment. Just remember to get out once in a while.

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Convention Intervention

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In 2012, direct spend on conventions in the U.S. was $280 billion. A presence at these events is a requirement for companies trying to make it in their industry. Attendees travel, in droves, to host cities that can can accommodate the influx of visitors.

ConventionTechnology and software companies do not mess around with conventions. They are a game of one-upmanship between competitors.

Hosts spend small fortunes to bask in the spotlight to unveil new products, make headlines, announce partnerships, and bestow awards that are the corporate equivalent of high school yearbook superlatives followed by an often awkward photo op.

Exhibitors bombard attendees with information and logo’d trinkets as they follow their planned agendas. Days often extend into hospitality suites, parties, and VIP events where sellers and buyers network over cocktails.

Your time is limited. If you’re not careful, you will become occupied with time-wasting conversations. There are certain attendees you want to avoid. Here are a few examples:

TrickorTreat“The Trick-or-Treater” – They walk the exhibit hall looking for handouts. They might ask what you do, but they don’t care. Some ask for the SWAG directly. They’ve either stalked your booth or someone told them what you have. A quality tote is a great handout. Shove everything they have in it and let them walk away.

“The Faux Prospect” – They have been with their company a while and they are in the early stages of a big project. The attendee is there to gather information, but potential work is a long way down the road. It doesn’t hurt to foster a relationship with these attendees, but do not expect much.

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“This thing is a phone. I’m on it.”

“Disengaged Conversationalist” – They don’t make eye contact. Conversations with them are rushed and they’ve already decided you can’t do anything for them. They talk fast and loud. They will interrupt you to take a call.

“The Boondoggle” – These aren’t hard to avoid because they are rarely at the convention hall floor. They show up to so long as they can prove they were there. They might have convinced their employer to send them on an expense-paid trip to a vacation destination that’s not the office.

“Last Call Holdouts” – The pack animals attendees end the night by closing the hotel bar. They will pull anyone they recognize to the bar for “one more drink.” They usually miss a portion of the next morning because they are “taking a call” in their room. If you decide to join them, they will use a lot of these terms. Learn the language.

ProtecttheBrand“The Sloppy Drunk” – The slippery slope between networking and embarrassment gets slipperier by the drink. If you see a wasted executive in a dancing sandwich between his  employees while someone shouts “free licenses!” and snaps pics while others record video, reconsider your relationship. It’s not acceptable for an executive to be escorted off premises, waving his hands in the air like he just don’t care while babbling “she’s protecting the brand” repeatedly. It happens.

“Convention Crashers” – You may encounter someone whose name doesn’t match their badge. Assume that Jennifer dropped her badge and the guy wearing it doesn’t belong there.

Optimize your trip by avoiding any of the above attendees. You owe it to yourself and your company to make the most of it.

 

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