We Know when We Know

SHARE THIS

Marooned & Golden

Welcome to Miracle Arena, otherwise known as Mother Earth, where nobody exists by accident.

You – and all your broken pieces – are here for a reason.

Yes, clichés are annoying. They’re overused, trite, simple, and patronizing truths that nobody sounds smart saying. Then again, I never claimed to be smart. Here comes another!

The truth is, you’re a living miracle.

It takes us nine months to breathe on our own, but our time on Earth is the real womb. It’s time to level-up your effort for the greater good.

Life is poetry in motion and we’re all in this together. It sounds like a bullshit sandwich, but it tastes as good as an orgasm feels.

Believe it or not, it’s your decision.

Born in the USA

The minute you’re born, innocence is lost, and free will is gained. You’re scared, confused, and crying. You have no control over any part of your situation.

The worst part about the entire ordeal is that the ordeal is your reality.

From that moment on, you make decisions – all day, every day, for the rest of your natural born life. You’re now free to fuck up your life, along with the lives anyone else you can depress.

It’s easier than you think!

Houston, we have a problem. A big one.

You have exactly until you die to become someone you’re proud to be.

Your World Revolves Around You

Being the master of your universe comes with responsibility, and therein lies the problem.

It’s not difficult to think you’re important, but to believe you are is entirely different.

Behave accordingly. Act like a miracle if you want to be one.

When someone acts important while being completely oblivious of how they affect others, bad things happen. It happens to families and friendships all the time, but damage caused by self-absorbed behavior extends far beyond those immediately affected, eventually.

Look in a mirror long enough that you don’t destroy the person staring back. Take time to see what’s in the mirror before you break it.

Care about others, but worry about yourself. Whatever you do (or believe or share or plan or desire or try or say) is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself, which ultimately manifests itself in any and all relationships you have with others.

Be the person you want to know.

Live a life you’re willing to defend. Don’t lie to yourself, it doesn’t work. The truth always finds its way to the surface. There is such a thing as ‘too little too late.’ 

You are the company you are.

We all have choices and I’ve chosen to be pro-life to the extent that I care about mine.

Cherries bury a lot if the bowl is big enough.

A Miracle & the Bouquet of Bullshit

It’s scary as hell to not have all the answers. I sure don’t, but the more I search my soul, the more comfortable I am with myself…and everything I remember ever happening to me. Time; it takes time, and I’ve been busy. It hasn’t been easy. Bold decisions have a way of bringing out your best.

In your conscious being, the eyes you use to see – those are yours. The brain you use to think – that is yours. The heart you use to hurt – that is yours. The soul you will always be – that is yours.

Everything else is ancillary; everything else is there for your benefit. I know that sounds selfish, but it’s not. It makes everything else significant.

Everyone exists to teach you lessons and give you ideas. Everything and everyone else exists to allow you an opportunity to improve and help you find your place in the world.

Everything we dislike or disagree with are there to help us recognize our own flaws.

Do You Believe in Miracles?

Take time for yourself. Nothing about your life has anything to do with anyone else, except yourself. Accept yourself. If you think I’m full of shit, I’ll leave you with this: You haven’t tried hard enough.

You have exactly until you die to become someone you’re proud to be.

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2018
SHARE THIS

My Dog is My Co-Pirate!

SHARE THIS

My Dog is Not My Child

My dog is officially my co-pirate. After spending the summer studying abroad, Bella became Bellz. She graduated and she’s not even two! She’s an overachiever.

I don’t know where she gets it. It wasn’t from me; I was a “C” student.

Congratulations, Bellz! You done good, girl!

I nearly dropped out of college, and not because I didn’t want to be there. I was told I was wasting my time, money, and other things, but I only flunked one class.

Kidding aside, she’s German and Germans make great dogs, and other good shit.

Leave it to Germany to engineer something better than people.

In Dog We Trust

Dogs have an unwavering commitment to loyalty and love. Imagine that you were born into a world filled with unconditional love, encouragement, compassion, and curiosity.

What if I told you that you were already born into that world?

It’s hard to believe, but what if it’s true?

What if you discovered that you were already born into that world?

See, what had happened was…I couldn’t see what I didn’t believe.

Seeing is believing, but I had to believe to see.

I saw, then believed, but I can’t believe my eyes!

I see you!

We have an uncanny ability to complicate the simplest things.

You’ve either figured it out or you haven’t. You will or you won’t. You do or you don’t.

That’s a joke. Not really. Seriously though, it is. Just kidding.  What?

Polly Wanna Cracker?

Referring to dogs as children is automatic, like when someone says they’re “fine” when nobody asked how they were.

Think of it this way:

Americans tend to be parrots. Parrots sit on the shoulders of pirates. If Americans are parrots, then Americans are co-pirates. Being a co-pirate requires at least two pirates. If Americans have a dog, then Americans and dogs are co-pirates.

Any questions? Polly wanna cracker?

It’s basic logic, but Americans aren’t known for being logical. Ask any lawyer. They’ll tell you the truth.

Words Matter

If it pleases the court, I would like to submit evidence that pets are not children.

Nobody gives birth to their dog. Dogs aren’t a result of any sex you had. If you carry a dog for nine months, it’s in a purse.

Dogs happen on purpose. The decision to have a dog is exactly that; a decision. Having a kid requires sex and a choice.

People don’t usually update social media while walking out of an abortion clinic.

Dogs don’t have allergies. Nobody gives up a child because their dog has allergies.

Dog gone!

Dogs don’t hate you. Dogs do the darnedest things. They shit inside, piss on stuff, destroy something or make a mess. Kids talk.

A child will tell you they wish they were never born.

You can’t cage a child. Try that with a toddler. A crib is as close as you get.

Children can have children. Dogs get fixed. Fixed. What a strange word for never reproducing again.

Words Matter

Chaos & Piss

If we continue allowing pet owners to refer to their animals as children, where does it end?

Before you know it, parents will treat their kids like pets and allow them to shit outside. Animals will begin using restrooms, and we can’t even figure out which restroom people should use.

What the fuck? Maybe we should all shit outside.

Why not? We act like animals.

Final Thought

It’s acceptable to euthanize pets. People aren’t so lucky. If I’m ever in a situation where I’m unresponsive and I can’t, won’t, or forget to swallow pudding, I truly won’t mind a lethal dose of anesthesia.

Why not? We act like animals.

I rest my leather case.

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2017-2018
SHARE THIS