Your Position has been Eliminated

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Layoff, Reduction in Force (RIF), Rightsizing

However presented, it’s ugly and your final check is on its way. A not-so-happy hour starts early that day.

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We Regret to Inform You

I’ve delivered and received the news. It sucks for everyone, but someone leaves that discussion wondering what to do next.

It happens all the time. Companies are forced to make tough, difficult, and hard decisions to preserve a bright future. Things are so close to getting better. The people left are there for a reason. At least, that’s what they will tell whoever is left.

That’s what we told people. Most of the time, we believed it. However, there comes a time when you know the ship isn’t coming back to port.

I managed an HR department for 15 years and I’ve delivered the news more times than I care to think about. I hated it each and every time. It was never easy.

Eventually, we were acquired and accepted positions with the new company.

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April 13, 2015

Nearly a year later, the tables were turned, and I was laid off. Over 30 people were let go that day.

My manager didn’t tell me; he was already gone. In fact, my former business partner of 15 years, and great friend, had to escort me to the room. Then, he escorted me out of the building.

For the first time in my adult life, I left the office without work responsibilities.

I was confused, but I can’t say I was surprised. The signs were there. Companies sometimes have a hard time keeping the writing off the proverbial wall. It’s usually not a secret when a company isn’t selling anything. People get nervous. This is rocket fuel for workplace gossip.

The ‘when’ is usually unclear. One day, it just happens. Every company handles it differently, but the message is the same: You do not have a job.

Some companies announce them ahead of time. Some just do it.

The following are my own insights and observations based on having been on both sides of a RIF. I am not a lawyer and this is not legal advice. These are things you might care to know if it happens to you.

Unless you’re first, you won’t be surprised. As coordinated as an employer tries to be, there’s no telling what happens once it starts. Word gets out after the first person is let go. Speculation ensues. You are not safe until you attend the “everyone who survived is here for a reason” meeting.

Don’t expect an apology or empathy. The process can be stoic and impersonal. You might see glimpses of humanity in someone on the employer side, but there are things they are advised not to say. Things like, “I’m sorry” or “I wish it were different.” The employer’s goal is to treat everyone consistently.

HR is only on your side so much as they are there to make sure the company doesn’t do anything wrong during the process. They are prepared and/or been coached. They are watching your every move and listening to everything you say. They already have a lawyer. One might be there, quietly observing, waiting to slide paperwork your way.

Keep your emotions in check. Do not say anything negative. Many thoughts will cross your mind; keep them to yourself. This is that window when you might say something you will regret. Now is not the time to risk sounding disgruntled.

Review any paperwork at home after the fact. You’re not required to sign anything that day. You will be given a packet explaining, in a lot of words, what just happened. More importantly, it will cover loose ends regarding pay and benefits. You’d like to think everything is accurate, but take time to thoroughly read this packet.

Once you have been let go, they don’t want you there any more than you want to be there. Say “thank you” and ask them to clarify the date they need the packet returned.

Say goodbye to your equipment. When you leave, you might never see your equipment again. Plan on leaving with your keys and dignity. If you cross pollinate business and pleasure on your work laptop, you better be backing up your personal files as a matter of habit.

Always keep a copy of your current employment manual at home. This is particularly important regarding policies explaining any severance, final pay and compensation, retirement plans, reimbursements, unused paid time off or vacation, insurance continuation, and any other relevant items concerning your separation from the company.

It’s not illegal for a company to trick you. While you would like to think it wouldn’t happen, the company can put something in front of you that bends the rules. Don’t simply believe what they have told you or presented.

Every state has its own employment laws. State laws might trump company policy or point back to company policy.  It’s worth a few minutes of research to keep the company honest. There are free online resources for employment laws in each state. This is where my HR background was beneficial. What was put in front of me versus what was required by law were two different things . Once I brought this to their attention, they corrected the item immediately. I didn’t even need a lawyer for this. They knew what they were doing. It was a game move. It’s business.

If you feel your termination is wrongful, that’s a discussion between you and your lawyer. Do not make any threats or accusations while you are being laid off. That’s my recommendation. Your situation is your situation.

“Financial reasons” is hard to make a case against. You cost money and they can’t pay you and you can’t work for free. If the financial statement shows a loss, any job is on the line. The company’s CEO could be mired in HR allegations while losing money month-after-month and you can still be escorted out.

Remember, your goal that day is to not act inappropriately. It can feel personal, but it’s not. At least, it shouldn’t be. The decision is final. The discussions and debates have already occurred.

Only your job ends there. It could be the best thing that’s ever happened to you. That doesn’t mean you are going to like it that day.

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Gwen Stefani Lost it on ‘The Voice’ Premier

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If you watched ‘The Voice’ premier on September 21, you saw the blind audition of contestant Jordan Smith from Harlan, KY. He performed Sia’s ‘Chandelier’ and pretty much nailed it for the first round.

A small town kid with the talent to hit complicated high notes, he won the judges over. All four turned around before he finished which is what every contestant aspires to accomplish at this stage in the competition.

Blake was the first to turn. A few notes later, Gwen and Pharell looked at each other, threw some side-eye, and turned around simultaneously. Pharell acted normal. Gwen lost her shit.

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Gwen’s freakiest experience ever in life right before your eyes.

Gwen’s reaction to seeing Jordan’s appearance after hearing his voice was cringe-worthy. Her whole spasm caused me one giant face-palm.

At first glance, all she could do was be confused, throw her leg and hands up and twice exclaim, “Whaaaaat?!? WHAT?!?”

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First ‘Whaaaaat?!?’
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Second ‘WHAT?!?’

It’s one thing to be surprised when you look at somebody. It’s a whole other thing to be incessantly hung up on how shocked you are about their looks and persist with your blown mind. I expect a four-year-old to act this way, not a 45-year-old.

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Gwen really thought Jordan wouldn’t look like this.

Adam turned around after just enough time passed for Gwen to contain her leg. Gwen turned to her right and threw a “What?!?” Adam’s way as if to ask, ‘Do you see what I see?!?’

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Third ‘What?!?’

Adam intently listened to Jordan as he finished his performance. Gwen stared and looked like her head was going to explode.

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As quickly as the audience and the other three judges gave a standing ovation, Gwen rushed the stage to touch Jordan to make sure he was real.

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Gwen needed to hug Jordan to see if he was real.

Sure enough, he was! Then she had to tell him herself just how shocked she was.

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It was a sweet moment, but damn Gwen. Calm down! We get it!

After all that, she still continued to be blown away. Climbing back in her chair she turned to Pharell and said what? You guessed it.

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Fourth ‘What?!?’

Everyone sat and the judging began. Gwen didn’t ask for Jordan to join her team (or at least they didn’t air that). She did, however, say the following:

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You don’t say.

She did. She threw the “FYI” in there. Pharell interjected over Gwen’s ‘freakiest thing she experienced in her life’ and explained what she was trying to say in other terms.

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When the other judges are swooping in on the heels of your comments, it’s time to shut your mouth. Her best compliment to this poor kid was how surprised she was that he didn’t look like she thought he would. Gwen’s better than that. She’s just been an L.A. girl for too long.

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But it was Adam who Jordan chose as his coach. The other judges (Gwen) can learn from Adam. You see, Adam listens. Adam relates. Adam says all the right things and he’s a good coach. It took me a few seasons, but I’ve grown to really like ‘The Voice.” It’s still early on, but wishing Jordan and Adam the best of luck this season!

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Can’t wait to see what these two do this season.
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Jobjargonitis

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If you work with people, chances are you’re already infected with Jobjargonitis.

It’s easily controlled. Symptoms are only exposed by what comes out of your mouth.

New phrases emerge annually and, when used, indicate someone spends a lot of time enjoying the sound of their own voice, sitting in meetings, or blowing through expense accounts at conventions.

Let’s examine a few:

Skirt-Kimono2“Lift the skirt”“Before we make this investment, we have to lift the skirt and take a good look.” At some point someone decided they preferred a Geisha over an office temp and started talking about ‘opening kimonos’ but how many ways can we say ‘evaluate?’ Look under the hood, lift up the sheets, lift the carpet to expose the dust bunnies? Look in a mirror and see how lame you are.

“Out of pocket”“Oh shoot, I really want to help you but I’m out of pocket.” You’re unavailable. This isn’t football. Suppose it were. It’s a boring game and you’re on the bench anyway. I asked if we could meet on Wednesday. It’s a yes or no question.

“Ping me”“Sounds good, ping me and we’ll work it out.” Let’s talk about this later. You’re just preparing to be instantly out of pocket when you hear from me. How about I call you and you pick up the phone?

“Win/win” “They would be fools not to take this deal. It’s a win/win!” A true win/win is rare. The person saying ‘it’s a win/win’ usually is the bigger winner. Suppose I ask you to go out and buy me a cup of coffee and bring it back to me. You oblige. I get coffee and you can feel good about helping me. Win/win!

Matches - Methane“Paradigm shift”“If we can pull this strategy together, you’ll see a paradigm shift and we will revolutionize how everyone does this!” We aren’t moving mountains. You only fundamentally change your approach to things when you’re consistently wrong. If what you’re calling a paradigm shift is legitimate, then I do them all the time. Like when I added wet wipes and matches to my bathroom regimen. Talk about thwarting science.

“At the end of the day…”“At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what HR does. His wife is pissed!” An oldie, but still alive, and likely will be used until the end of days. It is usually in reference to an anticipated result of something that has nothing to do with the day. At the end of the day, I’m going home.

“Ramp-up”“Our go-to-market strategy is to get this in the hands of the ramp-up customers so they can test it for us.”  Who needs R&D and QA teams when you can have your early adopters pay you and test your product?

ElevatorPitch“Elevator pitch”“Perfect your elevator pitch so you can talk at someone real fast regardless of whether or not they are listening.” Ding! This is my floor. I barely make eye contact in an elevator, much less buy something from someone. In the unlikely event you’re selling Girl Scout cookies, no words are necessary.

“10,000 foot view”“There you have it, the 10,000 foot view!” Is that how high we are after your elevator pitch? Guess what I can see from 10,000 feet? Nothing, especially your face to know if you’re lying.

“Take that offline”“Good question, let’s take that offline and we can discuss. Ping me after this call.” Either you need to coordinate a response or you don’t have one.

ZombieJargonAt some level, hearing these terms is entertaining. When a fresh term is spouted, and it catches your attention, rest assured it will trickle down to the outlet shoppers within a week.

If the zombie apocalypse ever occurs, Jobjargonitis will bond with whatever innately turns us into flesh eating, undead, cannibals making them mutter, “It is what it is.”

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A recruiter said the best thing to me earlier this year

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I knew what was coming before she said it. We were talking about social media and job hunts.

She said, “If you have Facebook, make sure it’s locked down with privacy. Maybe even consider getting rid of it while you look for a new position.

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To that I said, “Yes, I have Facebook, the privacy is locked down. I’m not concerned.”

She added, “If you have Twitter, I’d consider deactivating it.”

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“That’s not a problem,” I said. “I have had an account for two years, but I’ve never sent a single tweet.”

“Good,” she said. “I’ve seen your LinkedIn and it needs some work. You need a better picture, you need to have a better summary, and you need a general overhaul on how you are selling yourself.”

I agreed, of course. This was my first interview since my early twenties so LinkedIn was never a focus.

Then, she conducted a brief mock interview. I had mediocre answers, at best, and I knew it. Clearly, I needed coaching and she was ready to sign me up.

After the meeting, I thought about her comments regarding social media and decided that they didn’t apply to me.

A few weeks later, a friend of mine tagged me in a picture on Facebook. In the picture, we were simply being goofy, making distorted faces, looking immature, and having fun.

I saw the picture and panicked. I was applying for jobs! I removed the tag as quickly as I could. I told her I couldn’t have that out there for people to see even though there was nothing bad about it.

I was uncomfortable with my reaction to a silly picture and that didn’t sit well with me.

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What was I so afraid of? A potential employer seeing a goofy picture and not hiring me? Does that really happen? I’ve heard that it does. I’ve read that it does. I don’t know anyone, personally, that it’s happened to. I wouldn’t want to work for someone who did that.

Then it hit me. This is my problem. I am overly cautious about social media. That feeling, alone, has prevented me from exploring things that are interesting to me. Things that actually get me thinking and excited. Taking risks, abandoning the familiar and doing things like putting this thought out there for people to relate to or the other things I’ve been writing about.

The recruiter made me start to think about my line between personal and professional social networking. I’m clearing the barriers I put in my own way.

So, what did I do? I went in the opposite direction. I started a blog.

I want to be more active on social media. I want to make new connections and start taking risks. I want to share my thoughts and stories to whoever is interested to read them.

I’m working to discover opportunities that are more creative and aligned with other interests of mine that I’m ready to explore. Maybe I’ll luck out and find a true passion, all while keeping my social media activated.

I’m still not a bonehead. I know which thoughts and stories would get me in trouble. I will say they were very gratifying to write! That’s something I’ve learned through this process. Write for yourself. It is the best therapy.

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